Don't leave me behind
by stevieLUVSAlex
Summary: When Olivia is held hostage by a madman, it forces Elliot to confront his REAL emotions and feelings for her... HUGE E/O drama and romance... please R
1. Chapter 1

_A/N: Okay, so I have had this in the works for some time, and after a review post, I thought, why not see what ppl think of this… it's a little different from my other stuff, because it is extremely SAPPY, so those who aren't extreme E/O fans, might not enjoy this as much._

_I won't be adding author notes to all these entries, only this chapter and number 13 onward, but if you have something you want to say… don't hesitate to leave me a review. _

_Happy reading, hope you enjoy. :)_

**O**livia held her hands firmly around the perps arm, doing her utmost to protect herself from being asphyxiated to death. The perp had one arm gripped tightly around her neck, the other held the revolver firmly at the base of her temple, threatening to pull the trigger if anybody moved. Fear ran through her body as she kept her eyes fixed on Elliot, there was no doubt in her mind that if he had the opportunity to shoot her, he'd take it in a heartbeat.

"Put the gun down, Johnson," Elliot ordered.

"Put yours down," he challenged with more anger than Elliot. "Your girlfriend is gonna be dead in a matter of seconds if you don't," he threatened.

"You don't want to do that," Olivia said fearing for her life. If Johnson felt shoved, he might lose control and shoot her and it would all be over.

"She sounds scared," Johnson teased Elliot. As far as Johnson was concerned, he had nothing to lose. If they captured him, he'd spend the rest of his life behind bars, all he had was his hope of running. Instantly, Elliot stepped forward thinking all he had to do was move the right way and Johnson would freak and back off. But it only created more tension and raised the anger and fear in Johnson.

"Just let her go Johnson," he demanded. Eliot could see that Olivia was frightened.

"BACK OFF!" he screamed tightening his grip of Olivia's neck and pushing the revolver harder against her head. Olivia winced trying to be brave. She wasn't going to cry. "Put the gun down, copper. I'll shoot her pretty head off, I swear it."

Elliot didn't doubt that. He stepped back. "Fine. I'm back. Just let her go and we'll reason this like men…"

"DON'T PUSH ME, MATE."

Elliot glanced at Olivia, and noticed she had tears building up in the corner of her eyes. "Okay…" he agreed. All he wanted to do was get Olivia out of the choke hold he had her in and get her back to the precinct safety. It was his only concern now. "I'm back."

"STAY BACK!" he yelled without patience.

"Okay… let her go and we can talk."

"I don't want to talk," he snapped. "I want out. I'm gonna run and you better not follow me."

"You know we can't do that," he reasoned. Johnson wasn't an idiot, he was fully aware that neither Elliot or Olivia could willingly let him walk away, but he still held onto the hope and he was using Olivia as his way out.

"You better," he began to look worried. "Or I'll kill her here and now…" again he tightened his arm around her neck and pressed the gun further against her skin. Olivia was clearly terrified.

"Okay, okay," Elliot held his free hand up to stop him from shooting, as if that actually worked. "You can run and I won't follow, but you have to let her go first."

"NO!" he declined. "You'll shoot me before I run. Give me your gun!"

Elliot shook his head and aimed his gun at his right shoulder. "I can't do that," all the time he stood there trembling with fear that he would shoot her before Elliot had a chance to shoot him. It struck a fear in him that was only present when Olivia's life was in immediate danger.

"DROP IT OR I'LL KILL HER." Johnson didn't look like he was playing him.

"Don't do it, Elliot," Olivia spoke. Elliot's eyes shifted from Johnson to his partner and he saw the desperation and fear in her eyes. "Don't be an idiot."

"He'll kill you," he reasoned contemplating the idea of handing over the gun.

"Don't do it…" she begged unwillingly, sacrificing her life so that a rapist wouldn't go free. "You can't let him back on the street."

"You don't value your life much, do you pretty piggy," Johnson asked.

"Not if it means a rapist like you goes free," she said with anger. Olivia was way past the fear now, she was calm and clear, she was in control of her thoughts and she wouldn't trade her life for the life of an innocent child. It was NOT who she was, or why she had become an SVU officer.

"Your gonna regret you said that," he laughed bitterly.

"WAIT!" Elliot panicked. At this point he was open to agree to anything that meant he'd let Olivia go. "She didn't mean that. I'll give you the gun… but you have to let her go."

Johnson nodded. "Okay. Drop the gun on the floor and slid it over, then I'll release her."

Elliot took a breath. "No I'll slid it over once you let her go."

"MY WAY!" he stated in rage.

It was a chance he had to take. He nodded. Gently he flicked the safety on the 9 mm pistol he had in his hand and then bent down not taking his eyes off the two of them.

"Elliot, don't be dumb!" Olivia barked.

"I have to do this, Olivia, he'll kill you… he's got nothing to lose," he told her.

"Neither have I," she reasoned as the tears feel gracefully down her face. Elliot didn't see it that way, Olivia had a job, she had him and she had years of retirement ahead of her when she was done at SVU. The thought of it ending there and then in a heartbeat, caused him physical pain. Johnson had no conscience.

"Yes you do," he replied.

Elliot lay the gun on the hard concrete floor of the abandoned garage, where they all stood in wait of their future. He pushed it gently across the ground and watched it stop at Johnson's feet. Then he stood.

"Let her go!" he demanded calmly.

Johnson smiled and looked directly into Elliot's eyes. "You're girlfriend was right, ugly dog. It was a dumb move to make."

Before Elliot moved, he heard the sound of the gun clicking and unconsciously waited for the bang that followed. His eyes locking straight on Olivia, as the tears stopped and an expression of something else came into her eyes, something he couldn't understand – he'd never seen it before.

Elliot felt like his heart had been ripped from his chest as he waited for the bullet to shoot through her head, but nothing happened. And when Elliot realized that Johnson's magazine was empty, he lunged forward and wrestled him to the ground, freeing Olivia from his grip. And when he had Johnson pinned against the concrete, he looked at Olivia, who stood there with a look of relief.


	2. Chapter 2

**B**ack at the precinct, Olivia was working at her desk when Elliot came back in, he had taken Johnson to the lock-up himself, with Fin. Olivia was filing a report about what had happened in the garage, she hadn't wanted to go with Johnson and Elliot hadn't asked her.

Elliot dropped his gun and belt on the desk and sighed as he took a seat across from her. She looked at him, unable to explain the feelings that had stirred in her when she was only moments away from death. Olivia had thought that she would never live another day to sit at her desk and write a report, for the first time in her life since joining the team at SVU, she felt grateful to have something to do.

Olivia saw that Elliot was pained. There was something in his eyes that she had never seen before. "What did he say?" she asked thinking it had to do with Johnson.

Elliot shrugged. "Nothing."

Despite the fact that she knew nothing about what was in his head, she still tried. "Whatever your thinking, it's normal," she told him gently.

Elliot nodded, stood and headed into one of the interview rooms. Olivia got up and followed him, quietly closing the door behind them and leaned against it.

"Whatever you're feeling is normal too," she offered unsure of what else there was to say to make him feel better. Obviously both of them were in need of a debrief.

"So feeling like my heart was ripped out of my chest when he pulled that trigger and I thought you were dead," he whispered. "Is that what I should be feeling?" Olivia frowned as their eyes locked hard on each other. "I don't think Kathy would see it that way."

"Elliot…" she whispered as the panic rose. He wasn't supposed to talk like that.

"Almost loosing you, Liv… it told me how important you are and I couldn't stand the thought of anything bad happening to you. EVER." He stepped towards her.

"I know," she agreed beginning to tremble. "I felt that too, but we were just scared, Elliot. It doesn't mean what you think it means…"

"Really? It doesn't mean that we have reached a point in this relationship… partnership… whatever the hell we call it these days. That is TOO close for cops who are JUST partners."

Olivia shook her head slowly, her heart pounding loudly in her chest. "But we aren't JUST partners, your right, we aren't just cops who are assigned to stick together on a case… we are… we're…"

"More than that?" he insisted. "More than we should be. We promised each other not cross that line, but again, I put YOU before the job…"

Olivia stepped aside, so that he could get to the door. "You should go home, Elliot, Kathy needs you…"

"And you?" he challenged this time not moving towards the door to escape but edging closer to her. "Do you need me, Liv?" Unable to speak, she nodded. As if with great effort, he reached out and touched her cheek, guiding his finger gently down her face. Olivia closed her eyes at the touch of his hand on her. _Married._ She reminded herself as his finger moved across her lips.

Olivia gasped as if she had trouble breathing. Elliot, surprised by the sound, stepped back. "I'm sorry…" she whispered as tears began to feel her eyes as she opened her eyes and looked back at him.

"Me too," he replied lowering his head.

"I'll see you tomorrow…" she turned then and without another word she left the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**O**livia barely slept at all that night. The feel of his touch still lingered on her mouth. It was hard to believe that she hadn't been dreaming, it was not an action that had ever occurred between the two of them. Olivia had always forced herself to believe that all they shared was a close bond of friendship, there was nothing else between them, but now she knew there was and it scared the life out of her.

Elliot was married, to a woman that she admired and respected, Kathy put up with a hell of a lot from him and took more than most wives. Late nights. Early mornings. Double, sometimes triple shifts. Quality time taken away. Raising his five children on her own. It was a lot for anyone to take.

But for the last eight or nine years, Elliot had been the only man in her life, and it wasn't that she ever believed that he felt the same, she reminded herself everyday that he was married to Kathy and had five kids. And it never occurred to her to try and steal him from her – it was not who she was. But it all seemed so simple now that he was telling her he felt something more. Maybe she and Elliot couldn't be partners anymore, it seemed like the only option to them now. Case after case would remain the same, they wouldn't be able to be objective if high emotions were running through the air.

By morning, Olivia had made a choice.

As she rushed around getting ready for work, and finishing her OJ, she felt nervous about facing him. It had never been that way before, and she didn't like it. It was completely unprofessional. When she was organized she locked her apartment door and headed down stairs to hail a taxi.

Elliot was already at his desk when she arrived, and when she sat down there was a fresh bagel and a cup of coffee on her desk. She forced herself to meet Elliot's eyes. "Thanks," she mumbled.

"Yeah," he replied. The tension was thick enough to cut with a knife, but both of them ignored it, pretending that the day before hadn't happened. And when they did, Olivia began to question her decision about changing partners – they worked well together, they made a good team, why ruin that?

"Benson, Stabler," Cragen called from his office. Both looked up. "A word."

Olivia stood trembling, had Cragen found out what had happened in the interview room? A look of guilt passed between Olivia and Elliot as they made their way to the boss' office. He closed the door behind them.

"What is it, Captain?" Olivia asked hiding her uneasiness. If given enough warning, Olivia could hide any emotion that came to the surface.

He looked suspiciously from Olivia to Elliot as if he expected them to confess their sins to him there and then. Either of them offered anything. "I have an assignment for you," he offered. "A woman was kidnapped and brought down to a dungeon and forced to marry-"

"Hilary!" Olivia gasped. There had been a similar case she and Elliot had worked on years back, but the perp did not end up behind bars, one of the many victims had seeked her on revenge and killed him after castration.

"A copycat?" Elliot guessed.

Cragen shrugged. "Very likely. If you two can pull up anything you can on the old cases, and interview the new victim…" Olivia and Elliot agreed instantly. It was a case so horrific that neither of them had ever forgotten it. Just as they were about to leave, Cragen announced he wasn't finished with them yet. "I want both of you to be debriefed."

Neither of them declined the suggestion. It was standard procedure in cases like that with Johnson.


	4. Chapter 4

**O**n the drive to chat with the new victim from her house, neither of them had said a word for some time. Elliot was first to break the awkward silence. "Should we talk about it, or just… I don't know what's supposed to happen," he said not daring to look at her, his keys fixed firmly on the road and his hands gripped tightly to the steering wheel.

Olivia was looking out the window and didn't dare look at him, she didn't trust herself. "Neither do I," she sighed.

"I think we should just forget it."

"Can you do that?" he questioned sounding like a cop talking to a perp. "Because I can't. And what do we tell the shrink when he asks questions?"

"NOTHING!" she looked horrified at the thought of this becoming an open conversation. From experience the psychiatrist that came in from time to time to debrief them was never one to keep secrets from the Captain. "If Cragen finds out…" she didn't even want to think about it.

"I don't care what he thinks," he snapped. "I care what you think?"

"Then maybe we shouldn't be partners," still refusing to look at him, whenever she did, something happened to her and it was NOT a feeling she liked.

Silence followed.

"Maybe you're right," he said as they pulled up to their destination. He climbed out without another word leaving Olivia feeling like she'd been kicked in the stomach, why had he agreed so fast? She took a deep breath and stepped out of the car to follow him to speak with the victim.

At the door, both of them acted extremely professional. In cases like Johnson, even in the moment nothing seemed to show, but when they were alone in the interview room in the aftermath, it seemed to boil to the surface. As the door opened, a young girl in her mid-twenties with blonde hair and blue eyes stepped out from behind the shadows. She looked like hell.

"Are you Emily Frahm?" Olivia asked in a compassionate tone. Even after all these years, her heart went out to the victims.

The girl nodded.

"Do you mind if we come inside and chat," Elliot suggested. "We don't want to be having this conversation on the street where anyone can hear," he smiled warmly.

Emily hesitated and then stepped aside to let the officers inside. Olivia smiled encouragingly at the girl as they all made their way into the sitting room. As Olivia sat beside the victim on the couch, she watched her with careful observation.

"Can you tell us what happened?" Olivia started taking a pad and pen from her coat pocket.

Emily turned her face from the two officers looking instantly ashamed. "He grabbed me and pulled me into his car and then blind-folded me so I didn't know where he was taking me. The place he took me was damp and cold and there was music… I don't- it was like a little cellar. It had a bed and a stove and cupboards and there was lots of food and…" Emily began to cry.

Olivia reached out and placed her hand over the victims. "It's alright. Take your time."

Emily continued her story, and like all the other victims, there was no difference. This copycat knew his stuff. When Olivia and Elliot had finished, Olivia gave Emily her card and told her to call if she needed anything and a few moments later, the two of them left and climbed back into the car to head back to the precinct.

The drive back seemed to take longer than it was to get to the victims house, neither of them speaking, and both feeling the growing tension. It was hard to deny now. Olivia knew then, that she had to speak to Cragen about getting assigned a new partner, if she didn't who knew how long it would last before a big mistake was made.

"**H**ow long have you and Elliot Stabler been partners?" the psychiatrist asked as Olivia sat across from her in the hard green chair in the interview room.

"Close to- no, about nine years," she answered after some careful thought. Had it really been that long? Sometimes it felt shorter, sometimes it felt like they'd known each other forever. Olivia couldn't imagine her life without him now, they'd been friends for too long.

"It seems like a lifetime," the woman smiled. She was business-looking, wearing a grey suit and white shirt, her dark-brown hair pulled back in a tight ponytail. Olivia made no comment. "What were you thinking when Johnson had a gun to your head?" she questioned.

Olivia held herself well. "That I was about to have my head blown off."

"Were you scared?"

"Yes… for the most part, and then there came a moment where I was calm and had clear thinking-"

"What ran through your mind when you had the clear thinking?" she interrupted.

"Johnson persuaded my partner to drop his gun and hand it to him in exchange for setting me free… I thought it was a dumb mistake for him, because I thought if Johnson had my partner's gun and his own, then I was dead and he was unprotected. I told him not to do it."

"Did he listen?" she asked with interest.

"No. He knew that Johnson would kill me if he didn't… I couldn't stand the fact that he could be let loose on the streets again, because to give up the gun meant that Johnson could run free, and could shoot my partner. I didn't want that."

"Why not?" the physiatrist pushed.

"Because the guy's a rapist!" she snapped as if she was speaking to a stupid person. "It's my job to lock them up. If he got away with it, and he ran, then I would have failed my last assignment and it would have been for nothing. My partner would be dead. I'd be dead. He would have killed me…"

"Why didn't he? What happened?"

"Johnson forgot to take the safety off… it was a fluke that I'm even alive. He pulled the trigger. We heard the click, but not the bang. My partner wrestled him to the ground and cuffed him while Johnson was getting his thoughts together."

"What did you think when Johnson was cuffed and you were safe?" the psychiatrist was writing in her book the whole time, looking up every now and then to get a reaction from Olivia.

"I was relieved and- I was relieved."

"Were you going to add something?" the psychiatrist was pushing where Olivia didn't want to go. She would NOT tell her the thoughts that were running through her mind about Elliot. It had had nothing to do with the job.

"No…"

"I think you were."

"Are we done?" she asked loosing patience. Olivia stood and headed for the door. And despite the woman's demand for her to return, saying she wasn't finished, Olivia opened the door and looked at her with annoyance. "I'm done."

The woman nodded and Olivia closed the door behind her, and returned to her desk. Elliot looked up when she sat down and she forced herself to look at him, but she avoided his eyes. "What did she say?"

"Nothing much," she replied. "Standard questions. I left before she pushed the personal ones."

"She didn't say anything about me?" he whispered so that Munch and Fin didn't overhear their conversation.

"She did," Olivia answered honestly. "But I didn't give anything away. It was on a professional level," she assured him.

Elliot nodded. A moment later the same physiatrist called him into the interview room, Olivia shot him an encouraging smile as he stood and headed towards the room. Olivia sat doing paper work, while Elliot attended to the mad-woman's questions. It seemed forever before he eventually came out.

"How did it go?" she asked nervously. Had he told the shrink the truth?

Elliot avoided her eyes. "Fine." He didn't stop at his desk and return to paperwork, he headed straight into the boss' office and closed the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

"**O**LIVIA BENSON!" came the roar of the Captain's voice from his office a few minutes later. Olivia jumped from her desk, scared by the sound of his booming voice. Cragen looked anything but happy.

With trembling hands, she made her way to the office, Elliot closed it behind her, she looked at him as if for reassurance, but he gave her nothing.

"Elliot tells the two of you want to switch partners…" he said looking anything but pleased. Olivia stared at the floor, feeling too nervous to look up, would he read her thoughts if he could? "Can you explain this to me?"

"What has Elliot said?" she asked looking to her friend for the answers, Elliot refused to look at her, he almost looked angry with her, as if she were to blame for all of this.

"Nothing," the captain confirmed. "He won't say why. He just said it's not working. Do you care to explain this to me, because I am running thin here and neither of you are making me any calmer."

Olivia hesitated. "Elliot and I have been working together for nine years, it's time we moved on… spread ourselves around a bit. Maybe we've learned all there is from each other."

Olivia felt Elliot look at her then, but she didn't look back. "I don't buy that," Cragen stated angrily. "Spill! What's going on with you two? Did you have a dis-agreement about something?" he pushed.

Neither of them answered.

"Okay," he sighed heavily after a moment of silence. "If you got nothing, I am NOT going to waste my time on this. You two will be assigned to desk duty until further notice…"

"CAPTAIN!" Olivia cried. This was NOT how she expected this conversation to go.

"You are not giving me a choice here, I expect my members to be professional, I expect them to work together without complaint. You have never had a problem with each other before, you are damn good together. I don't see what the problem is," he threw his hands in the air with disgust and then ordered the two of them to get out of his office.

Elliot said nothing to her as they sat down.

"What did you say to him?" she asked.

"Exactly what you suggested. We change partners," he said. "You wanted this."

"ME?" she cried. Olivia lowered her eyes and spoke quietly afraid that the other members of SVU might overhear. "I didn't tell you to go straight to the Captain, Elliot."

"This isn't really working is it?" he questioned.

"What do you want to do then?" she looked up at him again, and was surprised to find that he was staring at her, as if trying to read her soul. "Tell Cragen the truth… he won't assign us with another partner unless we have a good reason, your wife will find out, you'll lose her and Cragen will be furious… what do you suggest?"

"Maybe I should transfer," he replied.

Olivia felt like she'd been kicked in the stomach. Not being his partner was one thing, but loosing him com-pletely was something else, something she wasn't sure she was ready for. Elliot was all she had, and she didn't want to lose him altogether. "Is that what you really want?" she whispered.

"No," he responded. "But I don't really see another way out, do you?" he looked at her as if she possessed the answer, but she made no reply, she had nothing to offer him. "I think it might be better." He stood then and returned to Cragen's office to make his suggestion, leaving Olivia sitting at her desk with her head down, trying to prevent the tears from rolling down her cheeks.

**A**fter Elliot left, Olivia seemed to shut off, she never made friends with her new partner and when she was casually asked about her personal life, she made it clear that it was NOT open for discussion. Her new partner was easy to get along with, but Olivia never made the effort, she didn't see the point. She was extremely professional, and she did the job the way she always did, she hid the real emotions, her compassion came out only when she was dealing with a victim and her anger shined through when she was interviewing the perp.

It was four months later when Cragen called her into the office. She took a seat across from him and waited for him to speak. "Olivia, there has been complaints made about you, you aren't co-operating with your new partner and when you deal with the perps you are pushing the line every time… do you want to talk about it?"

"There's nothing to talk about," she snapped. "I do my job. I'm a good cop."

"Yes, you are. But you are a shitty team mate right now, and you weren't always like that. So do you want to explain to me what this is about?"

"Nothing," she lied. It didn't go unnoticed by the captain that her attitude had changed ever since Elliot had transferred, and it didn't take a genius to work out what was going on in her head.

"Olivia…"

"Captain," she sighed rising from the chair. "I am professional. I do my job. I catch the perp. I interview the victim, what's the problem?"

"The problem is Elliot Stabler?" he responded. Olivia's stomach dropped two floors. She looked away from the boss and stared at a mark on the floor. "Have you seen each other since he transferred."

"Nope," she whispered.

"No phone calls, no letters…"

"Nope," she repeated. "What's that matter?"

Cragen sighed heavily. "I think this has to do with him," he guessed. "Your attitude needs adjusting, and I think it's high time you moved past this, whatever happened between the two of you, work it out… he's being assigned to a case here for the next week. He'll be here tomorrow morning."

Olivia stared at her boss as if he was speaking a foreign language. Elliot was coming back? Olivia had longed to see him for months, she had wished they had found another way to work through their issue, she missed him, but she never picked up the phone to call him, she never wrote a letter or knocked on his front door. He had left her to join the Queen's SVU team and she felt there was no need for contact. The idea of seeing him again, sent butterflies to her stomach.

"Captain…" she tried to speak but she had nothing.

Cragen changed the subject. "How's the Lennon case coming on? Have you found any new leads?"

Olivia, still shocked by the news that Elliot was coming to the precinct the following day, she shook her head.

"Then what are you still doing here," he said.

Olivia closed the door softly on the way out and returned to her desk. She looked up at her new partner, Jenny White, there was nothing warm about their relationship, they were not friends or acquaintances, but simply professional partners on an assigned case, nothing more, nothing less.

"Did you have to talk to the captain about me?" Olivia barked. Her anger and nervousness was not from Jenny but from the stirring emotions that were re-surfacing from the mere mention of Elliot's name. "What are you five? If you have a problem then you talk to me about it?"

"How can I do that when you don't talk to me?" she argued.

"I have nothing to say. I do the job. I have no desire to be friends with you, so stop trying, you are my partner, that's it. Nothing else."

Jenny didn't seem the least bit upset by Olivia's attitude, she shrugged and pretended that the conversation never occurred. "There's a new led. Sam Lennon was Mary Lawson's cousin…"

Olivia frowned as the fact set in, and then she nodded. "Okay, let's talk to her."


	6. Chapter 6

**S**leeping seemed impossible that night. Olivia was wide awake and her mind was racing a million miles an hour, several thoughts clouding her at once. Morning came before sleep took over, Olivia rolled over and climbed out of bed, she was ready twenty minutes later, freshly showered and clean. But she was in no way prepared to face Elliot when she went to work. she took her time leaving, sipping her OJ slowly, and then double checking she had everything she needed, only then did she call a cab to pick her up.

Half an hour later, she walked into the precinct, her head held high and the butterflies in her stomach in tact, she wouldn't let him know how much she was affected. Her eyes discreetly scanned the room looking for him, and when they landed at his desk, her stomach seemed to explode at the sight of his face.

He hadn't changed at all in four months, not that he had changed the whole nine years they'd been partners, but she had wondered if he'd ever be recognizable when she saw him again. His short dark hair was styled the same, he still wore the same black suit and blue shirt. He stood when he saw her, and seemed to catch his breath, he stared intently at her as she approached him and it was then that she noticed his eyes were different. Still the same shade of pale blue eyes, but there was something sad and heartbreaking about them now.

"Hi," he whispered.

"Hey," she replied, her voice just as low as his.

He seemed to stare at her for a moment before he looked away and caught himself again. Cragen came out of his office and wasn't shy in welcoming him back with warmth and friendship, if only it could be that easy for Olivia. The Captain got them started on the case within minutes of his greeting, he sent Jenny and Munch off in one direction, causing the butterflies to stir up Olivia's nerves.

"Elliot and Olivia, can you see if you can track down Mary Lawson? Her last known address was Brentwood, New York." He ordered having no opinion about how they'd work together. A look exchanged between the two of them.

"Right, Captain," Elliot agreed.

Olivia nodded saying nothing. What could she say? Elliot led her back to the desk and the two worked professionally on the case, saying nothing that wasn't case-related and when it was time to take a lunch break. Elliot offered to take Olivia to bring back store coffee.

Olivia didn't object but followed him out to the streets of Manhattan. Once they were outside and no one else was in earshot, Elliot stopped walking and turned to her, his eyes searching hers for something that he could use, but she gave nothing away. "How have you been?" he asked with interest.

"Fine," she lied. In truth, she hadn't been the same since he left, she had shut off, her work wasn't half as quick as when the two of them had been partners. Silence took over the conversation until she couldn't stand it anymore. "Why were you assigned here?" she questioned as he tried to lock eyes with her, she refused to look directly at him.

"Don't ask me," he shrugged. "I only found out I was being sent here this morning." Olivia frowned. Had the Captain set this up? "But now that I am here… how you REALLY doing?"

"I told you, I'm fine," she snapped. "We should find Mary…" Olivia went to walk away.

Elliot reached out his hand just in time to grab hold of her before she could escape, and she angrily turned on him. "Let me go, Elliot."

"You're not fine," he stated matter-of-factly.

"Please, don't do this…" she begged suddenly feeling venerable.

"I'm sorry," he sighed.

Olivia locked eyes with him and felt her breathe catch, she could hardly breath when he looked at her. "I miss you…" she whispered.

Elliot smiled with relief. "Yeah, I miss you too."

"We should find Mary Lawson…" she just wanted him to stop looking at her like that, she was finding it extremely hard to control herself.

"We should talk first," he insisted.

Olivia pulled her hand from his grip and sighed lowering her head. "There isn't anything to say, Elliot, let's just do the job so you can go back to Queens."

Elliot made no attempt to start walking, he stood there with his hands by his side and spoke as if her suggestion of getting on with the job had no meaning. "How are you getting on with Jenny?"

"How do you know what her name is?" she questioned.

"I know everything," he smiled. "Rumor has it, you dislike her…"

"Rumor's true," she said.

"Why?"

Olivia said nothing.

"Liv, just so you know, I don't get on with anyone in Queens, it's just a job to me, I have no links there. My only link is you… I like this team, I even miss Munch's sense of humor if you can believe that," even Olivia had to smile at that. "I'm going to ask Cragen to take me back on, how would you feel about that?" her opinion seemed to matter.

Olivia looked up at him. It had been hell without him, and she didn't care how weird or tense it got if he was back, she'd even partner up with him again, if it meant he was there everyday. She nodded. "Whatever…"

Elliot smiled. "Good. Because we'd have to partner-up again. Could you handle that?"

"Yeah," she whispered. "I could."

Elliot nodded. "I could too."


	7. Chapter 7

**W**hen the day drew to a close, Elliot approached Olivia, who was still working at her desk. "You need a lift?" he asked casually.

She smiled looking up at him. "So… you just pretend that the last four months never happened. We go back to the old routine?" she questioned with interest.

"You object to that?" he replied. "We got to start some-where, might as well be the beginning."

"Okay," she nodded standing up and taking her house keys from the bottom draw. She followed Elliot out and as they left the precinct, Cragen smiled having just watched them leave together – all they had needed was a push in the right direction – but he was still left contemplating what they had argued about to begin with.

Olivia climbed beside her partner in the passenger's side, she put her belt on and nervously sat waiting for him to start the engine, and once he did the butterflies seemed to slowly fade. But when he pulled up to her apartment and climbed out of the car, her stomach exploded as if it expected something big to happen there and then.

"What are you doing, Elliot?" she questioned stepping out to meet him on the sidewalk.

"I dunno…" he whispered stepping toward her.

Olivia's heart rate increased. "I don't think we should be-" but she couldn't find the words to finish her sentence, her eyes were already focused on his lips, and she had the feeling of being drawn to him, an impulse that she wasn't able to control. As he took another step toward her, she followed suit and copied him bringing themselves within body reach of each other. Olivia sighed trying to control her own body, but what she found was that her thoughts were already unwilling to be controlled by her and in a matter of moments her body would be just as uncooperative.

All she wanted to do was kiss him.

Gently, he drew her into his arms, on the sidewalk where dozens of pedestrians walked the streets of Manhattan. Olivia, oblivious to the rest of the world, placed her hand lightly on his upper chest as she stared at him.

"I don't want to hurt you…" he confessed.

"I don't want to hurt you, either," she replied.

"I need you…" he whispered.

Olivia wanted to tell him what she had known privately for the past several years, but she was afraid of what would happen if she did. A lot would change and she wasn't sure whether she was strong enough to deal with the repercussions of her actions. "What about Kathy?" she asked bring Elliot back to reality.

As if he'd been slapped, he stepped back, and Olivia's eyes filled with tears as she realized that he would never love her. He loved his wife. Olivia was just his partner, his best friend, his solace when he needed time out, someone to lash out on when things got too much, but she wasn't ever going to be the woman that he spent his nights with, and his early mornings. And she was never going to be the one to have his heart.

"I don't know what I'm doing, Liv… I'm going nuts here," he explained. "I missed you when I was away so much that-"

Olivia was suddenly aware that they were surrounded by people, and she felt embarrassed that they were standing on the street having a deep and meaningful conversation about an affair. "Can we NOT do this," she sighed.

"I need to- there are things I want you to know, please let me say them…" he pleaded.

Olivia saw the pain and confusion in his eyes, the look that mirrored her own, and she caved. "Fine, but not here."

"Okay," he agreed readily. "Let's go upstairs," he suggested looking up at the window of her apartment.

"No, Elliot," she objected.

"I won't try anything," he promised. "I just want to talk to you…"

Olivia hesitated. "We can't just talk, El, and we can't talk alone in my apartment. It's NOT happening." He frowned as if he didn't understand her reasoning. "You're married, Elliot. MARRIED! You have a wife and FIVE children…"

"So what?" he shrugged as if none of that mattered.

Olivia sighed trying to understand HIS reasoning for being so blind and oblivious to the obvious consequences that would inevitably befall them both if they entered into an affair.

"I don't understand any of this myself… but, Liv, we- I am so sick of walking on egg shells when you and I are together and-"

"Okay," she interrupted quickly already regretting her impulse to let him into her apartment. "Come up stairs and we can talk, but I don't want to do it out here."

Without hesitation, Elliot followed her up to her apart-ment, the moment she closed the door, he stepped up close to her, and she backed herself into the wall. "I'd never hurt you," he whispered seeing her instant reaction to him.

"I know," she answered. After she gathered herself together, Olivia cautiously walked past him and into her loungeroom, he followed, and the two of them sat down side by side on the leather couch. "You wanted to talk," she said nervously.

"Don't you get sick of pretending?" he asked bluntly.

"Sometimes," she admitted. "But I'd rather do that, than hurt innocent people. We protect people, Elliot, that's our job. So what makes us any better than the perps we try to put away…"

"You're comparing us to murderers and rapists?" he replied with amusement.

She shrugged. "Well… they hurt people, and if we give in to what we THINK we feel, then we're hurting people too. Innocent ones, like your wife and children," why was he so blind to that?

"Do you think I'd be here with you right now if I was unsure of what I feel for you? I don't THINK this is how I feel, Liv, I KNOW this is what I feel. I've been crazy for four months because I can't stand being without you. I don't pay attention to-"

"Please don't," she begged as the tears formed in her eyes. If he went too far, if he said too much how could she be responsible for what happened next? How could she not tell him all of what she felt, how could she not be completely honest with him?

Elliot shook his head ignore her plea to stop, he felt this HAD to be said, or he'd go insane. "I have to say this. You told me we were better off without each other, you suggested changing partners, because it would be weird between us and we wouldn't pay attention to the cases we were assigned to. But, Liv, you gotta know… you gotta know that we- that I've been missing you like you wouldn't believe. And I believed you when you said we were better off apart, but I don't anymore. Because I can't pay attention to my assignment, I can't think of where the perp was going or what he had lined up next, all I could think was that I wish you were next to me. So what's the difference…"

Olivia was silently crying. "The difference is that your married, and we can't do this."

Elliot hung his head. "Can we at least try to work this out? I don't want to go back to Queens and I don't want another partner, I want you. I won't make a move on you, if that's what your worried about," he promised.

Olivia laughed bitterly. "Is that what you really think I'm afraid of? That I want to stay away from you because I'm afraid you'll hit on me?" Elliot nodded in reply. "You're wrong, it's not the problem, Elliot."

"So what is?" he frowned.

"It's NOT you I don't trust… it's myself when I'm around you. It has nothing to do with you." Elliot reached out then and took her hand in his own.

"You are my best friend, you are the woman that-"

"No," she shook her head. "You can't do this to me, and you can't do this to Kathy or your kids." It took everything she could to stand up. "You have to go…"

He stood to join her. "I'm not finished yet."

"I don't care," she insisted walking to the door. This time, Elliot didn't follow. "Elliot, please… you have to go."

"You're the woman…" he tried again.

"And you, Elliot, are about to make the biggest mistake of your life. I don't ever want you to hate me, and I know that if we do this, if we take that step and we… you'll live to regret it, even if right now you deny it." Olivia was starting to think clearly. She knew that the only way she could live with herself without the guilt was to end it before it started, even if she was the only one who understood it.

"I won't regret it," he stated. "Will you?"

"Yes," she nodded softly.

"Because you don't love me?" he questioned.

Olivia's breath caught when he uttered the word, she closed her eyes fighting against all the emotions that were clouding her better judgment.

"Because you don't want me?" he pushed.

"No," she muttered. "Because I want you, and you're not mine and you never will be. You belong to Kathy and she belongs to you, remember that, keep remembering that?"

Elliot nodded and finally walked to the door, he stopped in front of her and touched her cheek, she fought herself to stay in control, she would not reach out to him, she couldn't. "I think you are the most amazing woman in the world. Brave, strong, determined and loyal… so loyal, Liv. I admire you for that."

"I aim to please," she smiled with humor.

He didn't smile back. A moment later he left her apartment and she closed the door, and the moment she heard the sedan drive away, she sank to the floor and buried her head in her hands. How she had managed to hold back, she'd never understand, because she had never wanted him more than she did when he was standing in her apartment offering her a dream she had possessed for more than six years.


	8. Chapter 8

**I**t seemed harder the next time they were together, all Olivia could think was that she had wished she had allowed herself a few minutes with him. A kiss… anything to take away the regret she felt when Elliot walked into the precinct and sat at his desk refusing to look at her. She didn't blame him, not at all, it was awkward for any-one in that situation, but she wished it wasn't so compli-cated.

"Benson, Stabler!" Cragen called from his office door-way. "I want you to bring in Sam Lennon for questioning," he ordered. Both Elliot and Olivia stood from their desk without hesitation and obeyed with a simple nod of the head and headed out to the sedan in the police station car park.

Back in the car on the way to their destination, was full of tension, neither of them knowing what to say when they were alone. Olivia wanted to reassure him that nothing had changed between them, nothing had been said that couldn't be unsaid, and yet she felt confused knowing it had. Eventually, the suspense of not knowing what was going to happen next, got the better of her.

"Are you staying?" Olivia asked breaking the silence as they drove towards their wanted destination. "Have you spoken to Cragen about queens?" she didn't want him to leave, but she couldn't come right out and say so, besides she knew that his staying would complicate things that were already out of control.

"I dunno, I just- I'm not sure what I'm doing yet. After last night do you really think we could work together without any complications? Because if you have any bright ideas about how to fix the problem, I'm open to suggestions, lay it down on the table…" he gestured with one hand, while he kept the other securely on the wheel.

Olivia shook her head with sadness, unsure of how either of them could fix the situation. "I don't have any ideas. If you stay then I'm not sure if we're both strong enough to keep it professional. I just don't see how it would work."

"And if I go?" he whispered.

"If you go, I'm not sure I'll survive," as hard as it was to say, it was honest and the next words came out before she could stop them. "I don't want you to go. I need you."

"What for?" he questioned.

Olivia smiled. "Like you always told me, you're the longest relationship I've ever had with a man, and the closest. I'm not sure I'm ready to let that go."

A few kilometers passed before Elliot replied.

"I don't want to hurt you. Tell me what to do… whatever you want, I'll do- I'll do whatever you want," he looked inconsolable.

"I can't make that choice, El, and you can't ask me to," Olivia's eyes filled with tears. She ached to tell him to stay, but she knew he would, and if their relationship spiraled out of control it would be her fault. At least if she said nothing and left the decision to him, the fault would lay with both of them, and the guilt would be shared between them.

"I don't know what to do," he looked desperately unhappy as he pulled the Sedan over to the curb, and when he forced herself to look at him she could see that he was crying. He discreetly wiped his face with the back of his hand as if she hadn't seen his tears.

Instinctively she reached for his hand. It pained her to see that he was so unhappy. When he gripped his fingers around her hand, she felt a serge of electricity pass between their hands, but she ignored it, drawing attention to him, or to herself would only make things worse. "Let me go…" she whispered.

Elliot looked at her with instant surprise, he was aware that she wasn't talking about his hand around her, she was speaking in general terms. Letting her go, meant not embarking in an affair. "Is it what you really want?" he asked with great pain.

"Yes…" she choked. "I don't think we really have a choice here, El, it's just- we don't get to choose when we can be disloyal and when we can't. At the end of the day, you and Kathy have a marriage that she has held together more than you have, and you have five kids that you love more than anything else…"

"But I want you," he said simply.

"In a perfect world, I want you too," she smiled cautiously trying not to give him reason to make a move on her – at that point she wasn't sure if she could push him away. "But we just have to get over it. Let me go, so that I can let you go."

Elliot nodded with conviction, knowing she was right, it was the only way they could have it. "Do you think we could stay partners?" he asked in desperate need of an answer that only she could give him.

"I don't see how," she shrugged. "But I couldn't bare if you left again…"

"Ask me to stay?" he pleaded.

"No," she answered bravely.

"You said you couldn't survive without me," he reminded her.

"I can't," she admitted.

"So ask me to stay…"

"No. I do and- and something happens then I stole you from Kathy and I couldn't live with that, so don't ask me to say what you want. Make a choice, and I promise that either way, we'll make it work."

There was a long silence, one that seemed to go on forever, Olivia wasn't even sure he was going to answer, and when he did, it crushed her like a ten-tone truck.

"I think I might go," he said. "It's probably better this way… don't you think?"

Olivia nodded weakly, forcing herself not to cry. She made no comment and then Elliot pulled the car back onto the road and headed to the perps house to bring her in for an interview.


	9. Chapter 9

**W**hen the case was closed, Olivia was quite, she knew it was only a matter of hours when Elliot returned to Queens, and then she would be without him again. It was coming on nine pm when he approached his desk, he collected some papers from the drawer, and only then did he look across at her. It would be the last time they'd see each other, and it was already killing her, she didn't want to believe that this was the end, but she didn't see it going anywhere else. It was over.

Their eyes locked and she saw the same sad look in his eyes that mirrored her own. Letting go was hard. "I want to call you-"

"No," she firmly. It was better to cut all ties. "It would be too hard."

Elliot nodded. "I wish it was different."

"Me too," she replied as her voice broke. "Take care… be happy." He said nothing. "I'm gonna miss you."

"I'll miss you too," he took a deep breathe then as if he was trying to hold back his own tears. "I better go."

"Okay," she said quietly.

He didn't wait for anything else, he said nothing, he turned then and walked away, and she watched him, feeling immense pain in the centre of her heart. She got a flash of what her life was going to be like from then on, cold and lonely, she wouldn't trust anyone else, it had taken so long just to trust him. It would be a long road ahead, without him, and she didn't want that. Without another thought to cloud her decision, she stood pushing back her chair and hurried after him.

He was climbing into a taxi when she reached the sidewalk. "WAIT!" she cried out. Elliot immediately climbed out of the taxi and came face to face with her, she was trembling uncontrollably but she didn't care, all she knew was that she couldn't let him go, she couldn't allow him to walk out of her life.

"Liv…" he sighed.

"Don't go!" she begged.

"Olivia, I-"

"Please Elliot, please don't go. Stay. I'm asking you to stay, and we can work it out," she went to him and reached out, he was cautious and both had hold of each other's arms. "We can- we can be partners, we can be professional. I'll do everything I can to insure neither of us do anything dumb… but don't go. I need you."

Elliot sighed looking down at her.

"I'm not sure I can be professional with you, Liv, I think we've come too far to go back now."

"Can we try?" she asked desperately.

"And if we mess up, we can't go back, we would have ruined so much- I would have hurt Kathy. I would have hurt my kids."

"Oh…" she cried then remembering that it all wasn't that simple. He was married, and she wasn't, she had less to lose than he did. "Okay. I'm sorry," she stepped out of his arms.

"Don't be sorry," he smiled weakly. "Can I call you? Please, just to make sure you're okay."

Olivia shrugged. Maybe a call or two wouldn't hurt. "Goodbye, Elliot…"

With no thought before hand, he leaned over and gently kissed her cheek. She closed her eyes by reflex and opened them only after he had stepped back. "Goodbye, Olivia."

He climbed back into the taxi and she waited until he was gone, before she turned and walked back into the precinct.

**O**livia Benson woke the next morning with a massive headache. She had cried most of the night, aching for Elliot to have stayed. But she knew with all her heart that he'd made the right choice, and didn't blame him for walking away, but the pain of loosing him didn't dim because of it. As she rose from the bed to prepare for another day of catching perps and saving victims, she heard a knock at her apartment door. Olivia frowned as she made her way to answer it, to get up to her apart-ment, the visitor had to be buzzed in.

When Olivia opened the door, she was startled, and her hand instantly went to her mouth in shock.

"What are you-" she gasped.

"I couldn't leave," he stated matter-of-factly. "I love you, Olivia…" As if she had no control over her own body, she stepped forward and one hand instinctively moved to his shoulder, the other to grip his wrist. Elliot's hands traveled down to her waist, as their eyes locked and stayed connected. Neither of them could bring themselves to look away.

"Hi," she whispered unable to function like she usually did. She was trapped under his spell. She was trembling in his arms.

Elliot's hand tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears as he stared at her intently. "I'll see you tomorrow," he said. But when he made his next move, it wasn't to leave her, instead he moved closer towards her and only for a fraction of a second did he hesitate, a moment later he passionately brushed his lips with hers, savouring the taste of her kiss, their eyes closed. Her hands went straight to his face as if she had found home, it seemed so natural, so easy, so perfect, her mouth opened and closed over his and for a moment they were suspended in time, no one else existed, her hand went to his chest and then she remembered, she pushed at him, their eyes instantly connected as they had the moment she opened the door to him, the chemistry was mind-blowing.

"Sorry… I-I just," she panicked.

Elliot understood her panic. "I know," he told her sadly. "But you're all I think about, Liv."

This time when they connected the same way, it was softer, slower, both of them were cautious, but once their lips touched, it was heaven all over again. Again Olivia was first to pull away, but she smiled and spoke, her face an inch or two from his.

"I don't think I would have lived a week," she confessed.

Elliot smiled but he was a little more serious than Olivia was, there was more at stake for him to lose than there was for her, but he was still happy to know how much feeling she had for him. It was flattering. "What could I do, Olivia?" he asked.

Olivia shook her head slightly. "I'm not sure I can stop this," she told him with sincere honesty. "I don't want to hurt her… or you, El. What are we gonna do?" she looked so sad.

"Run away," he smiled with light humor tucking another loose strand of hair behind her ears.

Laying her head on his chest she closed her eyes as he embraced her, holding her closely to him. It felt so safe. So warm. She felt so loved. "I think this is illegal in several states…" she whispered.

"What?"

"This," she repeated. "Us. Me feeling all these emotions for you, when you've promised your live to someone else."

"It's not illegal," he said.

"It feels that way," she told him honestly.

"Do you want me to stop?" he sounded worried.

She pulled her head up and looked into his eyes. The guilt was settling in. "No… but this isn't going to work, Elliot, it can't."

"It has to," he said firmly. "Because I just told Cragen I was staying."

Olivia sighed returning her head to the position on his upper chest, if she was quite enough she could hear his heartbeat. What a mess!


	10. Chapter 10

**E**lliot called her into the interview room after a few minutes, Cragen had just assigned a new case to the team and they'd already started the paperwork of finding the latest victim's address. Olivia followed him into the room and watched as he closed the door behind him, he reached out to her and she stepped easily into his arms.

Elliot kissed her quickly. "I've been wanting to do that for the last hour."

"Me too," she confessed feeling her face flush. This was going to take a little getting used to. "But what the hell are we gonna do, El, come in and out of the interview room whenever one of us feel the need to get close?" she questioned.

"I don't know…" he lowered his head. "I just can't stand the feeling of being away from you for more than a few minutes. We have a problem, Liv, and I don't know what to do about it," he confessed.

"Why are you asking me? I don't know either," she whispered locking her eyes on his. She struggled to breathe when he looked at her that way, it made it hard to remember why it was so wrong to be together. Elliot stepped forward and pulled her back into his strong embrace, and he gave her gentle kiss that made Olivia forget the rest of the world.

"I think I love you…" he murmured against her mouth uttering the words for the first time.

"Mmmm," she moaned melting against him. Olivia was unable to control her emotions now, she was far too involved now, she couldn't help herself.

Elliot kissed her again, and again, each time deepening the kiss and taking longer to pull away. Without warning the door swung open and in reflex the two of them parted and stepped back looking guilty as sin, it was only when they looked to the door, they saw John Munch standing there.

"Excuse me," he smirked with amusement after the initial shock that came when he saw them pull away. "I'm sorry. Wrong room." Munch shut the door then and a moment later, Olivia and Elliot heard him walk away. Olivia, who was professional nine times out of ten, completely fell apart. She covered her face with her hands and groaned with embarrassed.

"I can't believe that just happened," she cried in horror. "He walked in on us!"

"He probably thought he was dreaming, don't worry about it," he said casually. Elliot spoke like he wasn't at all phased that their co-worker had walked in on the beginning of an affair.

Olivia looked up in disbelief at the man she was in love with, and shook her head, hearing him utter words that were completely out of character. "Elliot, are you crazy? Munch caught us red-handed. He's not going to be able to keep that to himself, by tomorrow morning everyone in the precinct is going to know about this, even the Captain," she panicked.

Elliot didn't look the least bit bothered by that. "So what?" he shrugged.

Olivia frowned. Did he really care that less about his wife, that her feelings were not even a thought? "What happens to Kathy… to your kids? All this is going to hit them like a title wave. It will kill Kathy, El, after everything the two of you have been through…"

Elliot suddenly went quite, realizing what he was doing. He cautiously took a step back and looked her over, this was NOT what he had wanted. He had never wanted to hurt her, or Kathy, for a short time he had gone insane and forgotten that he had a wife and responsibilities. He couldn't take the time out whenever he wanted, he couldn't be loyal when it suited him. The guilt hit him like a sledge hammer.

Olivia sighed as she locked eyes with him, she loved him, enough to let him go if that was what she had to do. She read his eyes and knew what she had to do. Her heart was heavy as she said the words. "It's okay… I know."

A silence filled the room.

"Do you?" he questioned with a look of pain in his eyes. It hurt Olivia to see it there, she never wanted it to be hard or complicated, she just wanted to love him. "Do you KNOW how it feels to want you and know it can never happen… do you KNOW how much I love you… do you KNOW how much this is killing me?"

"Yes," she whispered nodding.

"Really?" he questioned like she didn't feel his pain.

"Yes," she repeated. "It's killing me too."

He reached out and pulled her gently into his arms, and instead of kissing her, he held her against him.


	11. Chapter 11

**O**ut in the squad room, neither Olivia nor Elliot gave anything away, they were strictly professional, and from time to time Munch looked over at them but said nothing. It was only when Elliot was ordered into the office that Munch approached Olivia at her desk, she avoided his eyes and focused on her paperwork.

Munch pulled up a seat next to her desk. "Do you know what you're getting yourself into?" he asked gently.

"Not really," she whispered. "It was a mistake. It won't happen again."

"I'm not telling you what you should be doing, but I advice you not to be so stupid," he commented.

Olivia sighed. "I know. Thanks."

Munch nodded. "You know that he's married, and you're going to be the cause of a VERY complicated-"

"I know that," she snapped still refusing eye contact. Olivia was ashamed. She never meant for it to happen, or to get as far as it did.

"How long have you two been-"

Olivia's mouth dropped open in surprise. "We haven't," she assured him. "What you saw in there, that was it, one kiss. A mistake. We're not having an affair."

"You don't fool me, Olivia," he smirked. "That looked like more than a kiss, and by the look on your face it was far from a mistake. All I'm saying is, be careful, you're playing with fire."

Munch stood from the chair.

"You won't tell anyone about this, will you?" she panicked. The thought of everyone finding out about it, was overwhelming.

"Mom's the word," he nodded in agreement. Olivia smiled in respond. A moment later he went back to his own desk, just in time for Elliot to return to his desk.

"Come on, Liv, we got a perp to catch," he ordered as he grabbed his jacket from the back of his chair. She didn't hesitate in following suit and got up, the two of them walked out of the precinct. Munch's eyes followed them.

Once they were outside, Elliot didn't wait for a response this time, and he never hesitated. In one swift movement, he pulled her to him and covered her mouth with his.

It took a moment for Olivia to gain her footing, and once she did, she responded to his kiss with as much passion and dedication as he did. Her lips parting slightly to deepen the kiss. There was no thought of Kathy or Elliot's five children, there was no desire to stop what had just started. And then just as quickly, she remembered the conversation with Munch and recalled why they could never be together, and the guilt set in, and when it did, she pulled away.

"I don't-" she started.

He stepped back. "I know. I'm sorry. I can't help it. I know I shouldn't even be thinking about you like this, we've crossed a line, and I know I can't go back now…"

"Me neither," she confessed.

"So what happens?" he asked.

Olivia shrugged with tears in her eyes. It was a complicated situation. "Right now, we need to catch the perp."

"No," he shook his head looking guilty. "I made it up… can we go somewhere and talk?"

"I dunno," she hesitated.

"Please…" he begged.

"Alright," she sighed. "But let's make it quick."

Elliot nodded in agreement.

In ten minutes they were settled on a nearby park bench, both of them feeling equally as nervous as the other one.

"What do you want to do?" Elliot asked, being the first to break the silence. He watched her carefully, while she hid her eyes from him, unable to look at him without guilt.

"I don't know," she said honestly, feeling like that was the only thing she ever said to him. "You're married, there isn't anything we can do about this situation, El. As long as you have the piece of paper that says you are tied to another with vows of promise… we can't DO anything."

"Do you want me to talk to Kathy?" he asked with deep sadness.

"No," she said lowering her head as she recalled the advice from Munch. She was playing with fire, it was time she STOPPED burning herself.

"So what do you want me to do, then?" he frowned.

"Nothing," she answered with regret, as much as she longed to reach out to him then and there, he wasn't hers to reach for and she knew that from the very core of her heart. "I want you to forget that anything happened between us, we go on as partners and nothing more, it's all that we can do…" she was sad about that, but it was just the way it was.

"Are you sure that's what you want?"

"Yes," she nodded firmly. They weren't left with any other options to choose from.

For a long time Elliot didn't say anything, and then slowly he looked at her and nodded. "Okay… I'm not happy with it, but okay," he agreed.


	12. Chapter 12

**I**t wasn't easy to go back to normal, especially since the tension was still there, as clear as day. Olivia struggled with her emotions every time they were alone, and it become harder and harder to be as open with him as she once was. They spoke about the case they were working on, and barely anything else. Elliot even stopped telling her about Kathy and the kids. Olivia was relieved about that, it irked her every time she pictured Elliot's arms around his wife, now that their feelings were openly aired.

It was easier it they were totally professional.

Another week passed before the emotions mounted, and this time it was Olivia who pulled him into the interview room. Shoving him hard against the door, she pressed her body into his, and kissed him full and hard on the mouth. He responded instantly, kissing her with as much force as she, pulling his arms around her and pulling her closer.

He groaned. "God… woman, what are you doing to me?"

Olivia pulled back sheepishly. "I'm sorry," she mumbled. "I couldn't help it. I just forgot… I forgot what it felt like."

Elliot laughed. "You're going to be the death of me, Olivia Benson!" he gripped the material of her t-shirt and pulled her back into his arms, embracing her in another kiss. It lasted longer than any of them had time for.

"We should get back to work," she murmured against his mouth.

"I can't," he smiled with embarrassment. "You went too far. God, Liv… we can't go on like this. I can't wait a whole week to kiss you."

"Me either," she confessed.

"See me tonight?" he pleaded. "We can talk about things… work something out, consider the options."

"Okay," she agreed.

Olivia wanted to refuse him. But he had started this and now she couldn't stop it, the will power was non-existent. They pried themselves away from each other, and taking a few deep breaths, Olivia went first, giving Elliot a few minutes to regain control of himself.

Once the plans were set in motion, the day dragged on, and when work finally ended, Elliot offered to drive Olivia home. At first, she was hesitant. She wondered how much harder it would be to get home, if she wanted to run, shaking her head she accepted his offer and walked outside with him, to his car.

She buckled her seatbelt as he climbed into the driver's seat and did the same. "I don't know if this is right…" she whispered more to herself than t him. All day she had been thinking about this, what would be said, what actions would take place, and she shuddered to think that the next day would bring regret.

Disappointment clouded his eyes. "Do you want me to drop you off and leave?" he asked.

Olivia shook her head. No. She wanted him. She just wasn't sure if she could stand having only PART of him. Having to share him with Kathy.

Elliot nodded and pulled the car into the traffic. They drove in silence, each lost in their own memories and expectations of the progressing night. Olivia's stomach tightened as he pulled the car to a stop. They had arrived at her apartment.

Sucking her breath in, she climbed out of the car and slowly walked up to the main apartment door. She fumbled with the key. Her hands were shaky and uncontrolled. Elliot watched her struggle for a moment before he reached over her and took the key, opening the door with one swift turn.

He pushed the door open and she went inside. Elliot grasped the key in his hand as the two of them climbed the stairs to her apartment door. It took him a moment to open it, and then he stepped aside so that Olivia could walk in first.

Elliot stood by the door. "I won't come in if you don't want me to…" he offered.

Olivia smiled gratefully. As far as infidelity went, he marked high on the carer's list. She extended a hand and he took it easily, feeling a shot of electricity from her hand to his, as he came into the kitchen and closed the door behind him.

"Do you want a drink?" Olivia offered.

Elliot shrugged. "Not really… do you want to talk."

"Okay…" she whispered. Talking hadn't been any of the scenarios that had ran through her head during work hours, no, what she had thought about, consisted of physical contact and very few words.

He led her into the loungeroom and made himself comfortable on the couch. Then and there, she knew she would think of him, every time she stopped to stare at her lounge suite. It was as good as done.

"I don't know what you actually want from me, Liv…" he started. "Obviously, there's something strong happening here… a connection that's built up over time, I don't know. But I also know that what I feel for you, is powerful and I can't control it much longer. I love you, I told you that. It takes every ounce of strength I have not to lock that interview room with you in it." His smile was weary.

"I don't want anything you don't want, El. This is new for me, I know you don't do this… I mean, besides Danny Beck, but-"

"Hold on!" he raised his hand in front of him. "I never did this with Danny Beck!"

Olivia blushed. "I walked in on you once, you were… close."

"Yeah, for a day or two. Geez, Liv. Way to ruin the moment…" he brushed his hand through his hair with obvious frustration.

Guilt flooded her. "I'm sorry," she sniffed. The tears were building up. "I just… I HATED her, and when I saw how close the two of you got, I just kept thinking that I was there for you, all those times, and she got the best of you."

"She didn't get anything," he promised. "A kiss… one single kiss. It barely meant anything. She left. Remember?"

Olivia remembered.

"So… I'm here, what do you want to say to me! What do you want to do?"

Olivia closed her eyes briefly as she considered the options. "What if we let this happen?" she asked.

Elliot smiled. "Yeah…"

"What if we give in, right now… and then Kathy finds out?" she looked at the reality. Before she gave herself to him, she needed to know where's his heart was. She was not the type of woman to have a fling, not with a man so important in her life. It would be an impossible situation.

He pondered the question. "I spend years apologizing to her every time we cross paths… I don't know, Liv. I don't want to hurt her. I care about her. she's the mother of my children. But you and I… what we have is… different. Better. Stronger. If you want me to leave Kathy for you. I will."

It was all she needed to know. Gently, she reached out her hand and stroked his cheek with her thumb, running her finger across every inch of his face. Elliot took her wrist then and pulled her hand to his shoulder, as he embraced his other hand against her waist. She flattened her long fingers against the back of his head.

Elliot settled his mouth over hers.

It was really happening. "I love you, El," she moaned softly. And that was all he needed to band his arms under her legs and lift her from the leather couch. He carried her in his arms toward the bedroom. It didn't even occur to her how he knew where to find it without directions, and she was too reeling to notice.

He lay her gently on her back and fell over her without weight. She shifted beneath him, unable to believe that she was living the dream now. This was what she had wanted for more than five years, she had memorized this moment numerous times as if it had really happened, and now that it was, it was that much better.


	13. Chapter 13

**U**nder the covers, Olivia hid her face. There was certainly no way of going back now. She knew the ecstasy of being with him, there was absolutely no way she could live without him now. It was as good as done. Her heart would go wherever he did.

"Are you alright?" Elliot peeled back the covers to look at her face.

She blushed. "Are you?"

"Yes," he smiled.

Relief filled her eyes and she smiled, grasping her hands around the back of his head and kissing him again. this felt right, she realized, this was what she had wanted from him, maybe not from the beginning of their partnership, but certainly for a long time. For a moment the conversation the night before, entered her mind, and she considered his proposal. Olivia had no desire to hurt Kathy, she knew more than anyone how much she had tolerated from Elliot all those years, but she also wanted Elliot for herself. she didn't want to be the "other" woman, stealing kisses in the CRIB every now and then.

She wanted all of him.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked kissing her shoulder.

Olivia closed her eyes feeling the texture of his lips on her skin. She felt like he belonged there. "Kathy…" she told him honestly.

Elliot rolled his eyes. "Well, geez, Liv, you could have told me you fight for the pink team before we got involved like this," he teased.

"SHUT UP!" she laughed slapping his bare arm. For a moment she admired the tattoo on his left bicep. She had noticed it there numerous times, but never considered its meaning. She only knew that he was deathly religious, and proud of being a Catholic, she assumed it was as iconic as wearing a pendant around his neck.

"What?" he asked confused by the blasé expression on her face.

"Nothing," she smiled easily, tracing her fingers across the tattoo, of what she considered Jesus on the cross. It was smooth. "Is this-"

"Yeah," he nodded.

"El?"

"Yeah?"

"I love you…"

Elliot stared at her for a moment, before brushing a single strand of hair from her face. "I love you, too…" he whispered lightly pressing his lips to hers.

She smiled at the words meant for her.

"What do we tell the Captain?" she asked seriously. It was subject that would arise, and one they both needed to be aware of and address. It was important.

"I don't know," he shrugged pulling at her waist and pressing her body closer to his. "I don't want to think about that right now." He kissed her collarbone.

Olivia closed her eyes, freezing this moment in time, forcing herself to remember every aching touch, and emotion that was flooding through her body. Who knew when it would taken away from her? Olivia was not so naïve to believe that she would get to keep him forever…

**O**ver the course of the previous day, Elliot and Olivia had discussed the issues at hand. They had spoken about what to tell the captain, and how to broach the subject with Kathy and the children. Olivia was determined not to carry on an affair. She wanted this out in the open, airing the dirty laundry, as it were.

She refused to be a mistress, and he didn't ask her to.

Elliot had insisted on breaking the news to his family alone. A burden he wanted to carry on his own. It was his mess, he concluded, and he should have to clean it up. Olivia offered to tell the Captain, and after a long debate, she had won that toss.

Elliot called in sick the morning that Olivia was to tell the Captain what was going on. She had no idea how he would feel or the consequences that were bound to stir. She was unaware of any changes that might take place, or any jobs that might be on the line, all she knew for sure was how much she loved Elliot Stabler. And she held onto that feeling.

As she knocked on the door of Cragen's office, she felt her stomach give-way, and the knots began to pile over, one over the other. He nodded, indicating that her presence was welcome.

"What's up?" he asked bluntly.

Olivia hesitated. How did you broach a subject as problematical as this? "I um… I needed to talk to you about me and Elliot, Captain."

"Is there a problem?"

"I'm not sure yet…" she trailed.

"Well," he pressed. "Out with it?"

Olivia felt her knees weaken, and situated herself on the chair in front of the Boss' desk. She fiddled with her hands as she wracked her brain, thinking of a way to begin this conversation. It seemed so outlandish that this discussion would even be considered. "Elliot and I… we are-"

"In disagreement again?" he guessed.

"No, Captain," she smiled weakly. "Not this time."

"Well what then?" he barked. "I don't have ALL day?"

Olivia sighed heavily in an attempt to release some of the knots that were strangling her stomach content. "Captain, we are… sort of… seeing each other," she felt childish for a moment as she considered her phase. It seemed immature.

There was a long pause.

"Seeing each other?"

"Yes, captain," she confirmed.

"Dating?"

"I guess, you could call it that."

"And Kathy?" Cragen demanded looking at her with instant disapproval. This was the reaction, she had expected. Not everyone was going to be so calm and collected about this situation, it wasn't an average relationship to celebrate. It was going to hurt a lot of people. And Olivia wasn't entirely sure she could blame him for his attitude.

"El is telling her as we speak," at least she hoped that was true. She knew how tough it could be for any spouse to end a marriage, it wasn't as easy as ending a romance, there were children involved.

"He's ending his marriage?" he asked bluntly.

Olivia felt a pain slice through her. When he put it like that, it made it sound so vindictive. "Yes," she whispered.

"I see," he nodded. Cragen considered this for a long time before he spoke again. "I'll have to talk to the DS and wait and see how they handle this… one or both of you could get fired… you understand that?" he asked.

Olivia shook her head. "I didn't know, Captain. I understand that this puts you in an uncomfortable situation, I apologize."

"Well," he replied coolly. "That doesn't help me now does it… do you have any intention of ending things with Elliot?"

"No," she confirmed. She would consider working for another precinct if it came down to that.

"Then I'll do what I can…"

"Thank you, Captain. I appreciate that."

Olivia was excused.

Outside the door, her mobile vibrated in her pocket, she fumbled to retrieve it, and answered it the moment she saw Elliot's name appear on the screen.

Her hand trembled as she held the phone to her ear.

"Benson," her voice croaked.

"Hi," Elliot's voice sounded strained.

"What's wrong?"

There was a long pause. "I told Kathy, and she- she kicked me out of the house, which I can't blame her for, she took the kids to her mom's and… this is a mess, Liv."

"I know," she answered feeling guilty for what she had done to him. if she had just kept her emotions in check, it never would have reached this point. "El, I spoke to Cragen and he- one or both of us could lose our jobs over this."

"You're kidding?" he snapped.

She wished she was. "No. I know this is a little late, but are you sure about-"

"God, Liv!" he hissed. "You can't seriously be changing your mind about this?"

"No, I'm not. I just- you have more to lose than I do," she reasoned.

"I'll have more to lose, if you end this," he sounded almost frightened.

Olivia found herself smiling. "I won't end it," she promised.

"Good," he sighed. "I gotta find a place to stay… so, can you tell the Captain, I won't be in today?"

"Okay," she agreed contemplating sharing apartment. Was it too soon for something like that? She didn't want to rush into this full steam ahead. She wanted it to be real. She wanted it to last.

After they hung up, Olivia returned to her desk.

_I kinda stopped writing after this. It's not finished, but I might need a few reviews of encouragement, to continue. So press that button and get creative. Let the ideas flow, and let me know what you thought, thus so far… :)_


	14. Chapter 14

_A/N: Thank you all for the wonderful reviews. Yes, that certainly includes you 'EOforever94'. My loyal fan! You are a sweetie, I love writing for you… but 'Bad-Ass-B' gave me this idea… so thank you._

**A week later…**

Olivia and Elliot were called into the precinct and into Cragen's office. They had both been suspended since then, and had spent time with each other socially, getting to know each other in a way that was different than working side by side on a case. They talked about REAL things, about their childhoods, Elliot opened up a little more about what life was like for him when he was a child. Olivia told him about her teenage years. He'd been living in a hotel for a week; that was when he wasn't sharing Olivia's tiny apartment.

Olivia gripped Elliot's hand in his, as they entered the Boss' office. They were comfortable with each other now, and holding hands seemed like second nature.

"Sit down!" the Captain ordered.

This time they both sat side by side against the window pane.

Cragen eyed them with disapproval. "I can see that you are quite comfortable with each other… I assume that means neither of you are willing to stop this insanity for the sake of your partnership," he questioned.

Olivia looked to Elliot. They had discussed this at length on numerous occasions, and Olivia had decided that she would be the one to leave this precinct and be transferred elsewhere. As long as they were together, she was more than willing to trade in her position at the Special Victims Unit for another area of police work.

"Well…" Cragen was waiting.

"No, Captain, we won't be," Elliot stated.

"But we've talked about it and I'll be more than willing to transfer," Olivia said.

"You've talked about it?" Cragen challenged raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, sir…" Elliot nodded.

"So this is serious then?"

Olivia looked to Elliot and smiled. It was serious enough that neither were willing to let it go, and both had suggested giving up their position at Special Victims Unit. Olivia looked back at Cragen and nodded firmly. "Yes, very serious!"

"I see…"

"Do you think you could make a transfer?" Olivia asked skeptically. She didn't want to upset the Captain, but she also knew that both of them staying would not be an option.

"I'm not sure I want to be doing the two of you any favors," he said throwing them both the death glare.

"Captain, this is REAL," Elliot stressed. "We are not messing around here, and I know that we've let you down, but this is OUR life and I think we know what to do with it, with all due respect intended."

Cragen folded his arms across his chest. "I guess there's nothing more I can say then," Cragen went around his desk and glanced momentarily at the bottle of vodka, he knew was in the drawer. This was one of those moments when he wished he could throw in the towel and scull the entire bottle.

"Captain…" Olivia watched him waiting to be told what would happen next.

He looked up and threw her an icy stare. "I'll transfer you," he said bluntly. "I won't be giving you a wonderful reference, I'll be explaining the situation as truthfully as possible and I'll let you know when I have something for you… for now, out of my office!" he ordered.

Olivia and Elliot rose from the window pane.

"YOU!" Cragen pointed at Elliot. "I'm not done with you, yet. Sit down!"

Olivia shot him a smile of encouragement, and reluctantly left him to battle the Boss alone.

"I'm here," Elliot said folding his arms across his torso. "What's the deal?"

"The deal is that you are on probation. I want you teaming with Munch, on the York case, right now… and you will be working your ass off until further notice. Do you understand me?" he glared.

Elliot nodded.

"Good. Get out!"

Elliot did not challenge him as he moved toward the door. "Captain?"

"What?" his tone was still disapproving.

"Can I call Liv first?"

"OUT!" he roared.

Elliot shut the door behind him.

_I hope you guys liked the next chapter. Review me your thoughts… by pressing that adorable button below. Write a comment… it's screaming out to you, no, not you, YOU! YOU know who you are… :) _


	15. Chapter 15

_A/N: Hi guys… next chapter is here already! I am about ready to wrap up, so if you want something in here or have some suggestions, go right ahead… I'm listening :)_

"How did it go?" Olivia asked when she picked up the phone. She was back at her apartment by then, pacing the floor and wearing out the carpet.

"Bad. I'm on probation," he told her.

"Yeah, I half expected that," she said.

"Listen…" he paused for a minute. "Sorry, I thought it was Cragen. He's mighty peeved, and I'll over my head here. I might have to see you tomorrow, yeah?"

Olivia felt a stab of disappointment, but she understood. "I get it, it's okay."

"Good. I love you, Liv…"

She smiled. "I love you, too, El. Goodnight."

"I'll miss you tonight," he breathed.

"Me too," she whispered. "You better get back to work."

"Yeah, it's pumpkin time."

Olivia hung up the phone and situated herself on the couch. She flicked on the TV set and stared blankly at the screen, barely seeing the moving pictures. She wasn't sure she could get used to sitting around home doing nothing. It was unusual for her and caused slight anxiety.

She was glad when morning came, and she spent it outside in the sun, window shopping. It was the only thing that she could think of that distracted her from not being at work. Not that she enjoyed it all that much, she knew there were better things she could have been doing, were Elliot with her.

_MAJOR short, I know. I'm sorry… I'm running low on ideas. Please someone review and give me options, suggestions, advice, __ANYTHING! __StevieLUVSAlex :)_


	16. Chapter 16

_A/N: Okay so I had a new idea for a story, but I thought instead, I could incorporate into this one and create a little more intense drama… hope you like it. :)_

The gurney was wheeled speedily down the hospital corridor. A staff of six or more members of Mercy General surrounded the gurney as they worked as a team to pull the bed through the narrow hallway. The double doors were pulled open and the Gurney pushed through.

Olivia Benson, who was only steps behind her wounded partner of 12 years, was forced to a stop by a nurse in a white uniform. "I'm sorry, ma'am, you can't go any further than this…" she said gently laying a hand on her shoulder.

Olivia shook herself free and stepped back unsteadily, losing her footing and stumbling backwards. She dropped to her knees, shaking hard from adrenaline, her face filled with horror.

"I'm his partner," she choked.

"Come with me," the nurse helped the detective to her feet and led her to the waiting room. Olivia collapsed in a chair. "I will come and find you the moment I hear anything," she promised.

Olivia nodded mechanically, her mind buzzing with possibilities. Still stunned by how fast it had all happened, she leaned back in the hard plastic chair and took a moment to breathe.

Before the day had begin, it had been three days since she'd seen him in the flesh, she'd received the occasional phone call, but nothing worth holding onto, she needed more of him, she needed to see him face-to-face. She'd walked down to the precinct and into the familiar squad room.

She spotted him straight away, slumped at his desk, a case file in his hands and an expression of defeat plastered across his face. She watched him for a moment, a smile on her own face, as she took in his invisible strength. A moment later she approached him.

"Hi, stranger, working hard?" she smiled teasingly as she stood behind him peering over his shoulder.

Elliot snapped his head around. "Oh… hi," he stammered standing up to greet her. He paused and looked around the precinct as if he was waiting for an execution. He took Olivia's hand and dragged her into one of the empty interrogation rooms, and then shut the door. It was only when they were alone that he pressed her gently against the Gip-rock, sliding his hands up her arms and placing them above her head. His lips met hers in an explosive, all-consuming game of tonsil hockey. "God, Liv…" he breathed heavily. "I miss you. I miss this…"

Olivia moaned slightly as she pressed herself solidly against his torso, in an attempt to get closer to him. "Me too."

He forced a gap between them. "I'm sorry I haven't called. It's been SO busy… I just haven't-"

Olivia smiled, knowingly. She knew too well how overwhelming the hours could be. The workload was heavy. It was what she had LOVED about working with Special Victims Unit, she had no time to wallow in self-pity, and the downside of course was that she had no life outside either. Neither did Elliot, or anyone else working the precinct. She kissed him softly. "It doesn't matter," she assured him.

Panic settled across his face. "Cragen is going to kill you if he finds you here!"

"So what," she shrugged teasingly. "At least I'll die in your arms."

Elliot laughed pulling her closer, and wrapping his arms tightly around her waist. She felt safe there. Protected. Loved. He kissed her, allowing the scent of him to spread across her mouth, as she sunk her body against his.

Eventually, Olivia withdrew herself. "I should go," she whispered reluctantly.

"Okay," he agreed taking a step back. "I gotta get back to work."

Olivia made the first move, her hand resting on the door handle. "Call me when you get half a chance."

"I promise," he nodded.

Olivia opened the door and stepped outside only to be greeted by the Captain himself, a stern look on his face, his arms folded abrasively across his chest. Olivia bit her lip to stop herself from smiling. She momentarily forgot that it was a two-way mirror, the Boss himself had seen everything… including their tonsil hockey game.

"Get a room," Fin said.

"Somebody's in trouble," John Munch sang as he walked past the door.

Elliot stepped outside next to his partner, she felt him reach for her hand, and squeeze it gently before releasing it again.

"I was just leaving," she told the Captain.

"My patience is wearing thin, Olivia Benson."

"Sorry, Captain. Bye, El."

"Bye Liv."

Olivia made her exit, avoiding the Captain's eyes.

_A/N: You know the drill, press that review button… did anyone like the "tonsil hockey" phase or did you think it killed the moment? _


	17. Chapter 17

_A/N:Sorry this one has taken so long to post. Hopefully the next one won't be far behind… but no promises :) Somebody left a review for me, EOforever94, that's you… and said that I should make Cragen a little more father-type to Olivia, and so I came up with this quick conversation… Enjoy :)_

Olivia sipped on her coffee, as she watched the staff, patients and visitors cross the floor in the hospital, rushing from one end to other in attempt to get to their destination. She was tired. All she wanted to do was see Elliot, and the nurses had continued to withhold information from her.

It still stunned Olivia of the irony surrounding Elliot's shooting. For many years she had lived in fear of him being shot in the line of duty. A policeman's worse nightmare! For an off-duty detective to be shot by chance, simply for being in the wrong place at the wrong time, was certainly nothing short of irony.

Her mobile vibrated from her jacket pocket, causing her to jump slightly, fumbling to retrieve it.

"Olivia Benson!"

"Hi, Olivia…"

"Captain," she gasped.

"How you holding up?" he asked sounding like a worried parent.

Olivia sighed leaning back in the hard plastic chair. "They won't tell me anything…"

"No change then?"

"He's still in theatre."

"He's tough, Olivia. He's going to pull through this…" he said with certainty.

"Thanks, Captain," she said.

"Listen, we have your back, Olivia… all of us, Munch, Fin, Warner. If you need to talk, you know where to find me."

Olivia felt relieved to know that the Captain no longer resented her for the choices she had made.

After Olivia had finished on the phone, she began pacing the floor. Her eyes shifted from one visitor to another, in an attempt to stop the thoughts swimming around in her head. Her mind shifted in thoughts; back to before it had happened, before she had been sitting here in the hospital waiting room, cursing herself for forcing him to do something he hadn't wanted to.

_All day she had been hanging on to see Elliot. All day he had been working on a case. And for an insane moment, she considered ending the relationship with him, at least she would have seen him all day, every day, as appose to whenever the precinct didn't need his immediate assistant. In the end, she decided that as little as she saw him, she wasn't trading that in for the past._

_When he finally called her, telling her he was free, she took a moment to change, and stood in front of the mirror. She looked stunning, to say the least. Dressed in her red halter neck gown, her hair pulled back into an elegant bun. This was the outfit, she had worn numerous times, for barely an hour when she was called back to the Unit to catch or interview a perp. _

_Elliot buzzed the intercom and Olivia let him up to the apartment. He knocked on the door, and she opened it, he stood looking handsome in jeans and a clean shirt, but looking exhausted. She recalled easily how much energy it took to work all day, leaving very little time for a social life. She instantly understood, and she smiled weakly tilting her head to the side as she glanced up at him. _

"_Wanna post-pone?" she offered. He looked like he needed sleep._

"_Nuh," he smiled. "I'm happy to be here…" he pushed through the doorway and embraced her, kissing her softly on the lips. "I've been waiting all day for that."_

_She smiled. "Me too," she confessed, her arms remained around his neck._

"_Wanna have a quite night in?" he suggested._

_Olivia hesitated. It wasn't what she had in mind. She had been hanging around the house for week, with nothing to do, and she was eager to walk the streets of Manhattan with her new boyfriend… was that what he was now? She didn't want to label it, jinx it, make a mess of it before it was really off the ground._

"_You okay?" he noticed the sudden change of expression and stroked her cheek. _

_Olivia nodded. _

"_You wanted to go out."_

_She only smiled._

"_Okay… alright, where?"_

"_You're incredible," she said kissing him softly. _

_He laughed and took her hand, "Come on," he pulled her towards the door. "Let's go see a movie."_

_In the cold, outside air, Olivia clung to his side, her arm linked in his, as they walked the few blocks to the theatre. When a tall bearded man waltzed toward them, she felt slightly uncomfortable, as she realized that she was unarmed, not to say she couldn't hold her own, but the safety of having her gun left her feeling confident, and without it, her confidence was hidden. _

_It happened fast. The bearded man was in their face, demanding their money, their purses and wallets, or anything valuable. Olivia trembled. So unlike her, to be afraid, so unlike her to lose her independence and rely solely on the man she was standing beside. The man pulled out a gun, making Olivia silently curse herself for being without her own. _

_She pictured her gun permit in her top drawer, where it had been since she purchased the weapon. _

"_Put the gun down, and nobody gets hurt," Elliot said raising his hand as a shield, his voice calm and in control. His arm embraced Olivia tighter as she moved into him a little more. He was playing the hero card. _

_Olivia stared at him in disbelief. Why couldn't he just hand over the money? _

"_Don't try me, man," the gunman warned frantically._

_Elliot didn't listen. He released himself from Olivia, and moved forward, in an attempt to tackle the robber, but he was quicker than Elliot, and much younger. The gun went off, and Olivia's eyes closed. The sound of a pop, almost like fireworks could be heard echoing through the streets. Somebody screamed. The sound of footsteps. Olivia dared to open her eyes, her body trembling, the gunman ran, and she looked down to find her best friend sprawled out on the hard concrete ground. _

_She knelt down to him, her hand on his chest, where the blood seeped through his clothing._

"_Elliot…" she whispered. "El, can you hear me? Elliot…"_

_She heard the faint sounds of someone calling a bus. _

"_God, El, please don't die on me… please don't leave me behind." She felt tears wet her cheeks, but she left them unchecked. _

_This wasn't what she had in mind when she had wished for a little more in her now-dim and boring life. _

_HAHAHAHA! I hope you enjoyed that… review and let me know :)_


	18. Chapter 18

_A/N: Sorry for taking so long… AGAIN! It varies for me, since I don't have everyday access to an internet. I have to depend on friends and family. So he's the next chapter. I thought I'd settle things with Kathy and Olivia, so prepare for some insightful discussions… and maybe some anger :)_

_Ps. A huge thank you to each and everyone one of you that has read this story, one chapter, two chapters or even half a page, each of you contributed to a goal I had. I reached it. So thank you… _

Olivia was sipping coffee, when Kathy came strolling down the hospital corridor. She was alone. Her eyes settled instantly on Olivia, if looks could kill, she'd be dead.

Olivia rose to her feet, prepared for battle. "Hi, Kathy…"

"Don't talk to me!" she snapped.

"I know you must feel-"

"I said, DON'T TALK TO ME! You don't know how I feel or what I think, and don't pretend to care. I trusted you when you told me that you and Elliot were friends, I trusted you not to betray me… you're just like Dani Beck!"

_No_, Olivia thought, _I'm that much worse_. At least when Dani Beck had made a move, Elliot had been separated from Kathy. This was another level entirely. This was betrayal of a deep kind.

"I have no excuse… but I am sorry I hurt you."

"I don't care!" she said bluntly. "Is he still alive?" she seemed to choke on the word.

"Yes, no one has told me otherwise," Olivia answered softly. "He's still in theatre."

"Fine," she took a seat a few chairs away from Olivia.

A few minutes later, Kathy spoke again.

"I did everything I could to keep my marriage alive," she said quietly. "I put up with his temper, his late nights, I raised his children on my own, and made excuses for him every time he missed their school plays, or big school events… parent-teacher conferences. I did all of that, because I loved him."

"I know," Olivia nodded. "You put up with more than most women would."

"You took advantage of that, you were there when he didn't come home to me. You were with him, when he wasn't with his children. You called him to come to you, at all hours of the night, at moments when I had JUST seen him for the first time in a week… and now after all this, he chooses you."

Olivia lowered her head, unable to look her in the eye. Her mistake had been evident, her mistake had caused pain and broken up a family, her mistake… had been falling in love.

"Do you have anything to say for yourself?" Kathy asked boldly.

"I am sorry I hurt you. But I can't be sorry that I love Elliot… and I know you understand that. He's a man of both strength and weakness. He's a man of courage and determination. Elliot is easy to fall in love with, but when you do, there can be no regret… not for that."

Kathy stared at her, but she could instantly tell that her words had sunk in, and that she understood.

"Mrs. Stabler?" a nurse's voice echoed, her eyes scanning the waiting room.

Both Kathy and Olivia stood.

Kathy's eyes burned into Olivia. "You are NOT his wife!"

She ignored Kathy, and stood trembling in front of the nurse. _Please God, make him pull through this_. "Is he alright?"

"He's stable for now…" she answered. "Are you his wife?"

"I am," Kathy answered.

"You may go in for a few minutes…"

Kathy moved towards the door, as Olivia sank into her chair. At least he was okay, she reasoned, at least he was alive.

_More coming soon… reviewing makes it come faster :)_


	19. Chapter 19

_A/N: these characters belong to Dick Wolff, the insane man, who won't give shippers what they ask for. So FF writers just me and you, have to be creative and make up our own. Meh, what can you do? Thank God for Fanfic lol. :)_

_Okay, I had this chapter semi planned out, but once I read a review from Nicki31 I had to change it, so thank you Nicki31 for this inspiration… this chapter is for you, hope it's NOT disappointing. But to all that reviewed, alerted, or read this story, I thank you whole-heartedly. I really am honored to have so many people take a look at my story :)_

IDEA FROM NICKI31

Update...Please have him kick Kathy out of the room. My poor little heart cannot take Olivia missing out on love again. I just don't like Kathy anyway. it  
can start a whole new angst plot if he tells her he wants to see Olivia. Maybe  
since they were going to divorce...Olivia is listed as his next of kin. Otherwise Liv will never get inside his room.  
-

Elliot was disappointed when he saw Kathy walk into his room. His eyes lingering behind her, looking for Olivia… was she coming in?

"Where's-" he began to ask.

"Don't finish that sentence!" she warned. Her tone was stern and serious, her eyes blazing, and he knew that he was in for it.

He shifted slightly, sending a shooting pain to his chest. He winced in pain and screwed up his face, as he held back the urge to scream. He tried to focus his attention on Kathy, but all he could think about was Olivia, standing out in the hall, pacing the corridor, because the nurse wouldn't let her in.

"Kathy, I-" it hurt to talk.

"So the moment I have my back turned, you go and get shot?" she challenged. "I suppose that means Olivia doesn't care about you as much as I do, or else you would have-"

Elliot squirmed in his seat, again, wincing in pain. "Listen to me, Kathy. I took the bullet… we were… in the… wrong place… at the… wrong time. I can understand how angry you are… I would be… too."

"No," she shook her head vigorously. "You don't get to tell me you understand my feelings. You chose that lil Bi-"

"Watch it!" he warned. He knew that Kathy had a right to be upset, but as long as her attack remained on him, he was willing to boil the brunt of it. He would not, however, allow her to badmouth his partner. He rolled his eyes, and clenched his teeth, as the pain shot through his chest again. "What are you doing here Kathy?"

She looked at him sadly. "You don't stay married to a man for over 25 years and suddenly stop caring about him… even if he suddenly lost his mind and left you for someone else."

"I am sorry, I hurt you Kathy. I love you… as the mother of my children, and I will always care about you, too. You have to know that. But you can't honestly think that our marriage was any good, especially in the later years."

"For twelve years it's been down the crapper," she responded thinking back. "When you joined that damn Unit, and she came into your life."

"Olivia is not to blame here…"

"Then who is?"

He could see that she needed an answer.

"Blame me," he said quietly. "I failed you. I failed us. I wasn't good enough to hold my ground as a husband and father when I worked so many hours. I failed. I take the responsibility. I'm sorry I let you down…"

Kathy stared at him. "Why do I think that Olivia is going to get the best of you?" she asked sadly.

Elliot had to leave her with something. "I'm not sure she did," he told her. "You gave me my first son and daughter and you raised five of my children. Only you got that, Kathy… she didn't."

Kathy considered this, and nodded in agreement. "What do we do about the kids?"

"I'd like to see them, whenever they want to see me. On weekends, holidays… it's best they live with you." He wasn't going to like that arrangement, but he knew it was the right one. Kathy was their mother; she'd get them off to school and help with their homework. He couldn't take them away from her after everything she'd done for them. As much as he hated to admit it, they were hers, more than they were his.

Kathy agreed.

Finally, after a long wait, Kathy came out of his room, looking exhausted.

"He's asking for you…" she said bitterly vaguely turning to look at her.

Olivia rose from the chair and looked over her shoulder as she headed for his room. "Kathy… I know that we won't ever be friend's but-"

"I won't ever be ANYHTHING to you Olivia," she barked. "You put him there! You got him shot, don't talk to me… I don't want to know what excuse you've been pondering over!"

Olivia nodded with understanding, and pushed open his door.

Elliot laid there, his eyes meeting hers and a smile crept across his face. "Don't even say it…" he warned.

"Say what?" she smiled approaching the bed.

"Tell me how sorry you are, and that it was all your fault. I'm not sorry I did it. I took the bullet for you, Liv, just in case… and I'd do it again," he told her. He reached out his hand and she took it gently in her own.

"I love you, El… I love you SO much."

"I know," he nodded softly. He winced.

"Don't talk…" she urged. She pulled a chair up to the bed.

He tells her a story of his childhood, when his mates and he were pillow fighting, "Guys do that?"

"Yeah… I feel sorry for the pillows tho."

He goes on to say that they broke a picture that was hanging on the wall, and they glued it back with bubblegum.

The bubblegum story was told me to the other night by my mate Jimmy… I coulnd't resist sharing it. Lol. Hope you liked it as much as I did. :)


	20. Chapter 20

_A/N: Okay so… I wanted to create more angst here, because it makes for good reading, and I wanted Kathy to play the good girl and the bad girl, hence, the last chapter with Elliot and this one with Olivia. Hope you all like where I'm going. :)_

Finally, after a long wait, Kathy came out of his room, looking exhausted.

Olivia rose from the chair and looked over her shoulder as she headed for his room. "Kathy… I know that we won't ever be friend's but-"

"I won't ever be ANYHTHING to you Olivia," she barked. "You put him there! You got him shot, don't talk to me… I don't want to know what excuse you've been pondering over! And don't think about going into that room, you are NOT family, and I will tell the nurses NOT to let you in…"

Olivia sighed heavily. All she wanted to do was see his face, make sure that he was okay.

"Kathy?" she called as the woman headed to the nurse's station.

She stopped and looked back, anger and bitterness plastered across her face.

"Is he okay?" she felt the tears sting her eyes, but she held them back.

Kathy shrugged. "I guess you'll never know."

Olivia watched as the woman walked away, approaching the nurse's station and then pointing to Olivia. Her heart sank. All she wanted was to see her partner. She could understand Kathy's anger, but her manipulation was new.

Olivia sat herself down on the chair again, determined to stay as close as possible. If that meant she'd stay in that waiting room until they allowed visitors in his room, then so be it. She would not leave him, not now, when she was sure he needed her the most.

For two whole days she sat there, dozing occasionally in the hard chairs of the hospital waiting room. Finally, as she stirred from another sleep, a nurse approached her.

"You really should go home…" she suggested. "It can't be good to sleep on these chairs."

Olivia shook her head. "I have to know he's okay."

"And my word, is not enough?" she smiled warmly.

"No," she replied. "I need to see for myself. I'm sorry. I need to know that he's okay."

The nurse tapped her feet impatiently. "Five minutes!"

Hope rose to her throat. "I beg your pardon…"

"You have five minutes in there, and then you go home and you get a proper nights rest, understood?" she offered.

Olivia stood quickly, so quickly she had a head-rush, but she ignored it as she promised the nurse she'd go home to rest as soon as she'd seen him.

She pushed open the door to his room, her heart pounding in anticipation.

Elliot laid there, his eyes meeting hers and a smile crept across his face. "Don't even say it…" he warned. He was clearly happy to see her.

"Say what?" she smiled approaching the bed.

"Tell me how sorry you are, and that it was all your fault. I'm not sorry I did it. I took the bullet for you, Liv, just in case… and I'd do it again," he told her. He reached out his hand and she took it gently in her own.

"I love you, El… I love you SO much."

"I know," he nodded softly. He winced.

"Don't talk…" she urged. She pulled a chair up to the bed.

He watched her for a moment. "What does a man have to do to get a kiss around here?" he teased.

Olivia laughed and eagerly leaned over the bed to kiss him softly on the mouth.

_Hope you liked it… review and let me know… yeah, like I was NOT going to tell you to do that. Hehehehe :)_


	21. Chapter 21

_A/N: I thought I'd capture a slight relationship run and games, before the next drama scene. Hope you like it. Thanks again guys, all those people who are reading, you're all wonderful. :)_

"What's the craziest thing you ever did?" Olivia asked with a smile, as she sat glued to his bedside. Elliot was getting better and better every minute, he had began healing much faster the moment Olivia was allowed into his room and was now only days from release.

"I don't know about craziest, but I got a doozy…" he grinned as he thought back to his childhood.

"I'm listening," she smiled taking his hand.

"Me and some mates, we were hanging out at Bob's place, an old school mate, would have been about ten I reckon… we were pillow fighting and-"

Olivia grinned teasingly. "Guys do that?"

Elliot smiled widely. "Yeah, you feel sorry for the pillows," he said with a twinkle in his eye.

Olivia laughed.

"One of the guys, wacked the pillow so hard that it sent a picture off the wall… it was some art thing, that had nuts and feathers attached to it. It belonged to his Bob's mother. All the nuts and things came off and went everywhere… we all looked at each other, thinking we'd get into real trouble,"

"Oh no," she said getting engrossed in the story.

"We'd been chewing bubblegum…"

Olivia got the idea.

"…and decided that we'd try and stick it together again, with bubblegum. It seemed to work pretty well, it remains there still, to his day, nobody but the boys know that its gum that holds it all together. It all looked the same, the picture, no one would have noticed unless you were REALLY looking."

"That's funny," she nodded squeezing his hand.

He stopped smiling and looked serious. "What took you so long to visit me?"

Olivia stopped smiling too. "Kathy had told the nurses I wasn't family, I understand why she was so angry, I do, I might have done the same thing."

"She had no right to do that," he said through clenched teeth.

"It's alright, El. I'm here now…" she assured him. He looked so angry, that she worried slightly that he might move suddenly and pull a muscle.

"How did you get in?" he asked curiously.

Olivia blushed with slight embarrassment. Was it weird to tell him she couldn't leave the hospital? He was using those pleading eyes… to hell with it! "I sat in the waiting room…"

"What, during the day?"

She shook her head.

"At night?"

"I didn't go home," she confessed sheepishly.

"At all?"

She shook her head.

"You stayed in the waiting room for days?"

"Yeah, so?" she said now suddenly feeling defensive.

"Wow… you really did that?"

"Yes. I really did that."

Elliot smiled. "I love you too."

Olivia rolled her eyes.

_The bubblegum story was told me to the other night by my mate Jimmy… I couldn't resist sharing it. Lol. Hope you liked it as much as I did. :)_


	22. Chapter 22

_A/N: Sorry it's taken a while, I've been working on another story… and I had no current ideas for this one. You gotta go where the ideas are… anywayz my blank brain came up with something, so here you are my loyal fans. :)_

Olivia had quietly settled into her new job – counseling children with backgrounds of severe child abuse. It was much quieter than the police force, and she missed it when she allowed the thought to consume her, otherwise she was more than happy to acknowledge she had left SVU for a good reason. Elliot was worth it.

She stopped on her way home, to pick up some fresh tomato. The same Chinese man, that had always served her in the market, approached her, a small smile across his face. "We have a sale of two for one…" he bargained.

Olivia laughed. He'd been using the same line for years.

"Alright," she nodded eager for the shock to take place on his face. "I'll take 'em."

"Yes?" he asked stunned.

"Yes," she confirmed.

As if a miracle occurred, he placed the tomatoes in her hand and smiled widely. "You got boyfriend?"

"Yes," she nodded. "I have."

"Good," he grinned. "That good. On the house. You don't pay!"

Olivia shook the man's hand. "Thank you. I'm Olivia," she greeted. In all the years she'd been coming here for groceries, they had never made it to first name basis.

"Tan," he responded.

"Thank you, Tan."

Olivia smiled as she made her way back to her apartment, eager to share the short experience with Elliot.

_VERY short I know, but I wanted to make the next chapter a HUGE key moment in the story. I'm pretty sure, you won't be disappointed with the direction. :)_


	23. Chapter 23

_A/N: I hope this satisfies you all. Prepare for a short chapter but MIND-BLOWING cliff-hanger. Evil is me, and it's SO much fun… :)_

Olivia gripped the handle and turned it, surprised to find it unlocked. For a moment her heart rate quickened. Was someone in her apartment? Aware that she no longer carried a firearm, when she left the house, her stomach dropped at the thought of coming face to face with a trespasser that wanted more than material possessions!

Her guard was up and she was ready to shield herself.

But the moment she flicked on the light, she relaxed. Her fear switching to stunned surprise as she saw the candles lain out throughout the room. A rose placed on the breakfast bench, petals scattered around it, in true romantic fashion.

The soft sound of _Trisha Yearwood's_ TO MAKE YOU FEEL MY LOVE played in the background.

There he was, standing in the centre of her living room, a smile on his face dressed in a fresh suit and her favorite red tie, never having looked more handsome.

She stepped up to him, her arms sliding around his neck.

"I think I might love you a little more every day," she smiled kissing him softly.

He moaned and licked his lips as he withdrew only slightly. "I could get used to this."

"Me too," she nodded. She laughed then.

"What?" Olivia told him the story about the tomato and he joined in with her as she laughed again. "You won't ever be buying only ONE tomato, Liv… not anymore."

"That sounds nice," she admitted.

"I know we haven't been dating that long and I'm not sure where you are when it comes to moving fast or slow in a relationship, I'm not like everyone else you ever dated," he smiled nervously. "But I think we know each other well enough to form a well-adjusted opinion about this."

"An opinion about what?" she asked utterly clueless.

He reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a tiffany box.

Her stomach had well and truly dropped to the floor, as she held her hand over her pounding heart.

She watched in shock as he dropped to one knee.

She let out a gasp.

"Liv, you know how moody I can get, you know my loyalty to my job, you know that my temper springs on occasion, you know my flaws…" he grinned. "And for some miraculous reason you are still here. I fell in love with you the moment we met, and I keep falling. I want to be the one you can depend on, I don't ever want you to be alone, you'll have me forever, and I will promise that I will honor my word and I won't ever let you down. And with that speech said, will you marry me?"

Olivia's smile dropped and she stood there unable to form words.

_Evil is me… and manipulated is you… before you get an answer I must have at least 10 reviews before I post the next chapter. I know this works, because I tried it out on another story, and I saw others doing it too, so, forgive me for being selfish but reviews are an amazing incentive to keep writing. Now I pass the torch to you… make a choice… :)_


	24. Chapter 24

_Hi peoples. THANKS a bunch for the reviews, yay for me! Excited, excited, excited! I bring you the next chapter with love… and hope not to get killed :)_

_**Marriage?**_ Olivia to Marry Elliot… how was she supposed to be respond to this? Sure, she loved him, A LOT, and yes, she knew him inside out, flaws involved. But marriage? That was another step entirely. That was wedding bells and dress shopping. It was attention and nerves. It was money and commitment. Was she ready to take that step with him… and now, so close to the beginning of their intimate relationship?

Olivia and Elliot had been partners for years, but she was learning more about him every day. The way his smile curved when he wanted more of her in the early morning, the loving embrace she received when she returned home from work. She was learning about his thoughts, opinions and fears when it came to fantasy. A world she had never reached with him, until now. But marriage?

Her eyes met his, in the spread-out living room of her apartment, and she saw the fear in his eyes. He was waiting on an answer, and her delayed reply had not helped his obvious nerves.

Olivia had wanted to get married. Once upon a time. But she had seen the horrors of bitterness and revenge, she had seen the statistics of divorce, and the rate only moved higher every year. How could she be sure, her marriage would last? Was she willing to settle for less?

"Liv…" he asked unable to wait any longer.

She could see the desperation across his face and it pained her.

"It's not that I don't love you," she assured him.

He didn't hide his disappointment. "You just don't want to marry me?"

"It's not you I don't want to marry… it's the idea of marriage," she told him.

"But you always wanted to find someone and settle down," he recalled. "You don't want to do that with me?"

She felt the tears well up in her eyes. "I do. I just, it's scary, El. I have no role models to go by, I mean for Heaven's sake, Ken and Barbie even got divorced and they were dolls!"

Elliot smiled weakly.

"Can I take some time out and think about it?" she asked.

"How much time?" he asked skeptically.

"A few days… a week," she suggested.

He pondered over the question. "Yeah," he nodded. "I'll wait for you to decide that you love me enough to say yes," he grinned pulling her into his arms.

She smiled hugging him, her chin resting on his shoulder. She loved him; there was no doubt about that, nor about marrying him, only about the conclusion. How could he promise that years from now he wouldn't leave her in some heat of the moment argument? How could he guarantee that he would forever be at her side?

"I love you," she whispered needing him to know that her feelings about him had not changed.

"I know," he smiled stroking her hair with his hand. "I love you too."

_Alright… let the ideas flow through a review or two (see I can still ask for them in exchange for a chapter. Hahahaha)… I need help. Anything you got? I'll take it. :)_


	25. Chapter 25

_A/N: I know she hasn't said yes yet, but to be fair, she hasn't said no… so I thought I'd give you guys, my loyal readers, a little romance trip… soon, she will answer him, I don't know when, but soon. I think I like this story :)_

"I want to go away somewhere," Elliot insisted as he cuddled up to Olivia on the couch one Thursday night after work.

She looked up at him and smiled. "Somewhere, where?" she asked.

He shrugged and pulled his arms tighter around her. "Anywhere but here… Kathy and I brought a houseboat once, we never really got a chance to use it, it sits at the marina pretty much all the time. I have an old family friend who takes care of it. Do you wanna head out on the water for a bit?" he suggested.

Olivia smiled. That sounded like fun. "Yeah, but what about…"

"I can take care of Cragen, I'm due for a sickie," he nodded.

Olivia liked that she didn't have to finish her sentences, she liked that he knew her well enough to know where she was taking a conversation. "I'd love to go," she smiled feeling the stir of excitement nudge her stomach, the patter of butterflies looking for an out.

"Good," he kissed her softly and then rose from the couch. "I'll go back to the hotel and get some things packed, and you can pack up whatever you want to take… a bikini could be appropriate," he winked. "I'll meet you back here in a bit."

Olivia bit her lip as she nodded. Yes, she had the perfect black bikini in mind. She was going to make him crazy, and she was going to have a blast doing it. The moment he was out of sight, she packed a bag, making sure she had all the needed necessities, packing enough clothes for a few days and when she was done, she zipped up her suitcase and waiting for Elliot in the loungeroom.

He was back as soon as she flicked the TV on.

"You bumming around already?" he teased as he stepped through the door.

"Just waiting for you," she said. "Some would think it takes men longer to pack than a woman."

"Funny," he pulled a face. "I had to drive across town."

"Excuses, excuses…" she laughed at him as she wagged her finger in his face.

He pounced on her, grabbing her index finger and pulling her into his arms. "I'll tell you what, I'll promise to be quicker next time, if you promise to wear that admiring bathing suit," he smirked.

"How do you know I have one?" she asked stepping out of his arms, and placing her hands on her hips.

"Tease," he grinned.

"I might not have one… I worked for years, El, when would I have gotten a chance to wear a bathing suit," she reminding him. For a moment he thought she might be serious and the look on his face was priceless. He looked like a kid who hadn't gotten the toy he wanted for Christmas.

"I guess, I can't have everything," he shrugged holding back his disappointment. "Besides, I have you OUT of a bathing suit, what do I need you in one for…"

"You little bugger," she laughed as he led her out of the apartment.

After the bags were loaded onto the boat, and Elliot had given her the grand tour, he propped her on a bar stool and she watched as he sliced some tomato and some vegetables to create a salad for dinner. Olivia found herself squirming anxiously. She wasn't used to doing nothing. She eventually stood from the stool and set the table, having found some candles in a loose drawer, she arranged the table as Elliot finished dinner.

He placed the plates down as Olivia reached for the wine.

"I'd think you were trying to seduce me, Benson."

"I think you'd be right Stabler."

He raised an eyebrow.

"What? You saying you brought me to this boat to play like a gentleman," she shrugged unconcerned. As far as she could see the night progressing, the double bed in the suite wasn't there to look pretty.

Elliot pretended to think about it. "I was considering it."

"HA!" she laughed mockingly.

"I was," he looked mildly hurt.

"Stabler, you can't control yourself."

"I could too," he looked doubtful.

Olivia laughed. "Prove it," she teased disappearing into the bedroom to change into her bathing suit. "Wait here, I'll be out in a minute."

She emerged wearing her two piece black bikini and Elliot's eyes almost bulged from his head. All he could think about was getting his hands on her.

"Okay," he said hoarsely. "I can't control myself, happy now?"

She drifted up the hallway towards the kitchen and teased him relentlessly through dinner as he looked at her like a lost puppy in need of a cuddle. She forced him to keep his distance, enjoying every controlled moment. They played cards for a while after dinner, all the while his eyes never quite focusing on the cards. She was aware of the attention and was loving every minute. It was new and exciting and a different side of Elliot that was still taking some getting used to.

Olivia pulled him to the sofa and made him sit through her favorite romance movie, when the credits rolled he looked at her pleadingly. "Can I have you now?" he begged pathetically.

"Yeah," she nodded. "I think you suffered enough."

"Hell yeah, I did." His eyes beamed and without a further blessing, he scooped her into his arms, bracing her against his chest and carried her to the bedroom.

_I thought you guys deserved this. I hope you liked it. I don't do a lot of this, because I write more angst, drama and conflict. So I'd love some feedback… more of this in the future, or less? You decide. Post a review or 10 and I'll give you another chapter. Love, Miss. Evil :)_


	26. Chapter 26

_A/N: I'm pretty sure that you won't be shocked with this chapter, but I hope you like it at least. I'm hoping to make a 20,000 hit on this story it's my goal, so please tell your friends to take a peek, even if they hate it. It's all the same to me :)_

"Oh God, oh God, oh God," she mumbled anxiously as she paced the floor of her New York apartment. This was NOT where she intended this event to lead. Sure, it wasn't the worst thing in the world, some would even consider it a blessing, but this was the wrong time. Elliot's divorce wasn't final the paperwork was still going through. Despite he had asked for her hand in marriage. And now this?

Was she truly ready for this?

"No," she screamed. "I can't do this right now!"

A flash of memories came across her mind, like picture images in a picture theatre.

She had forever wanted this, she had asked for this and been rejected, she had longed for this for years, and here it was handed to her on a gold-platter. More so, with the man she loved. How could she NOT want this?

What was Elliot going to say? Maybe that was her greatest fear. Maybe knowing he had been attached so long, and finally having the freedom to try new things with Olivia, to suddenly take a spontaneous trip on a houseboat… maybe this was going to change him. Maybe he'd even hate her for it.

Would he hate her?

God, she hoped not. There was nothing she wouldn't do for him now.

Her mobile buzzed with the familiar tone and she fumbled to retrieve it. It was Elliot.

"He- Hey, El," she stuttered.

"You okay?" he asked instantly observing her usual change in behavior.

"I think we need to talk," she whispered regretfully.

"That doesn't sound good…" he guessed.

"Nuh," she assured him. "It's just- I don't know how you'll talk it. I don't want to talk about it over the phone, do you have some time to come around and talk?" she hoped/

"It sounds important," he said.

"It is," she said.

"I'll be there soon."

True to his word, he arrived twenty minute later, banging on the door.

He looked stressed when she opened it, and let him in. She had been crying, fearful that he would run from her, scared of where the road would take her without him. it had taken her a life time to get her dream and in a matter of minutes it might be taken away.

He drew her into his arms and kissed her softly. "What's wrong?"

She took his hand and led him into the loungeroom. She sat him down on the sofa, and he pulled her down beside him before she could chose to position herself elsewhere.

"What's up?"

"I love you… did you know that?" she smiled weakly.

"Yes," he kissed her. "I knew that."

"El, I'm- I'm pregnant."

_Okay, evil is me and I am MAD, on a rampage and evilly planning my next attack… HAHAHAHA… and you guys are the ones to suffer. In order to get an update on this story, and believe me, you WANT to know his response, I propose that you take a quick peek at TOOTAPANGA1's work, and I'll know if you really look because her hits will go up. If you review, I will love you and anything you want in this story will be YOURS! Happy reading people and I will be happy being EVIL :)_


	27. Chapter 27

_A/N: Okay, as promised the NEXT chapter… read… set… read real quick, cause it's a MAJOR shorty. :)_

"Why do you look so scared then?" he asked still slightly panicked by her sudden announcement that she was pregnant.

"I wasn't sure how you'd take it… how do you- how do you feel? Do you want it?"

His face dropped. "You're asking me?"

All she could manage was a nod.

He stood and began pacing the room. "The fact that you are even asking this makes me think you don't even know me. You seriously think I wouldn't want it, with YOU!"

Olivia's face fell, despite her relief. "I just keep thinking you got out of a marriage with five kids and that maybe this wasn't what you wanted right now."

"NO, Liv, I love my children… everyone one of them-"

"I know," she stressed. "That's not what I'm saying."

"SO what are you saying?" he demanded.

"This is coming out all wrong…" she sighed heavily as she stood from her place beside him.

He stood to, to challenge her, to hold her gaze.

"So stop and take a breath…" he suggested.

She obeyed. She took a breath and felt herself instantly calm. "I love you, and I've wanted a baby since…"

"I know," he nodded taking her hand again. He knew how long she had wanted this, and he knew the pain it had caused when she had been rejected. He understood her want and need for motherhood.

"If this is what you want, El… I want it too. I'm just not sure I'm ready to give you up yet."

"You never have to," he promised taking her into his arms. "I love you. I will always love you, and a baby will only tie us together, it won't pull us apart… do you understand me?" he pressed.

Tears made their way unchecked down her face.

He wiped them away with his finger and smiled. "Liv, we're having a baby… you and me, together… we created a life. I don't want for anything. EVER again, all I want is you, my other children and this one," he said touching her stomach. No signs had appeared yet. Nothing visible to show that she was carrying a human life.

But he held no doubt. Her face was glowing and she looked like an angel… his angel… the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Forever.

He knew he had made vows before, he knew that his marriage to Kathy had been real, had been wanted, and cherished, once upon a time. But over the progressive years, as he slowly fell in love with Olivia Benson, Kathy faded out. She would always be loved, after all she was the mother of his children, no bond could break that. But this was a new beginning, a new life growing inside her. It meant new hope. New promises. A new future.

Elliot could hardly wait…

_Alright… two more chapters to go, well, technically ONE and an epilogue, but who's perfect? I'd REALLY love a few reviews, if you have time… I won't threaten you this time. But I might cry if I don't get any… oh no… here come the waterworks! :) _


	28. Chapter 28

_A/N: hey guys thanks for the dedication… I'm almost ready to wrap it. Enjoy :)_

Olivia Benson had finally given up her career. Her love for police work was out of her system now, there was no want or need for it. Her want now, was strictly towards her growing child and her relationship with the man who had captured her heart many moons ago.

Beside him on the couch in her New York apartment, she moved closer to him. He smiled and placed an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer. He kissed her gently on the forehead. "I love you," he whispered.

"I know," she smiled. Her hand rested on the small bump on her stomach that was now showing.

It had been four months.

"What do you think of Jayne?" she asked with a faraway look in her eyes.

"I don't know," he shrugged. "Who is Jayne?"

"No," she laughed easily slapping him across the arm. "I mean the name… for a girl. Jayne."

"Jayne?" he pondered over it a moment. "Yeah, I think I like it, I think… Jayne, yeah."

"And a boy…"

"Elliot!" he grinned.

She laughed. "That could get confusing."

"You're a smart woman."

She laughed and laid her head on his shoulder. This was what she had dreamt for a lifetime, this was what she had always wanted. Him, Elliot Stabler, as her own, never having the share him with his wife, or stealing her time from him, his time would be hers now, what small amount he had left for him after a case. She would have more patience than Kathy when it came to his work hours, she would be understanding because she herself had worked the same ones. She would enjoy each moment she had with him, cherishing it. And unlike Kathy, she would MAKE him, demand, that he tell her what case he had been working on. She understood the hours, the effort. She understood the will to keep going if it meant catching the perp.

"What about Jonathan," he offered.

"Meh," she shrugged. It sounded too average.

"Jacob?" he pressed.

Olivia shook her head. No, she was looking for something in particular. "Do you have issues with names starting with J…" she teased.

He shook his head. "Okay… what about Zechariah," he offered.

Olivia smiled. "I like that… yeah, I REALLY like that."

"So we're having two children…" he smiled folding her into his arms.

She kissed him. "Sure, if you give birth to them."

"Name the time and place, baby and I'll be there."

She kissed him again and the world seemed to disappear.

"Yes…" she whispered in his ear.

"Yes what?" he asked mildly distracted by the way his body was responding to her.

"Yes, I'll marry you."

He pulled back to see her face.

"Yes?"

She nodded. "I do."

He grinned. "I do too."

_If you didn't get the reference, which I'm sure you would have, but I chose Jayne, for Mariska's mom… I hope that I didn't upset anyone doing that. But I thought it would be nice. And the boys name came from a name of the Bible, since Elliot is religious. :)_

_Last part is coming soon… you just might have to review for me to post it. Hehehehe_


	29. Chapter 29

_OKAY… LAST one… I wanted to thank you all for all the support, alerts, reviews and hits you have contributed. I appreciate it whole-heartedly. Thank you for taking the time to have a look at this, I hope it wasn't too disappointing and that for a few moments in a heinous world, I could bring you entertainment. :)_

The wedding took place on the beach a year later.

Olivia wore a Vera Wang dress that looked breathtakingly stunning; she had used the money her mother had left for her, the little that she hadn't managed to blow on booze. Her hair was twisted elegantly above her head, and emerged into her veil. Elliot had never seen her look more beautiful. He himself looked handsome in a black tuxedo. He was more nervous than she was, as they stood before their friends and family, making promises of forever.

Kathy and the kids had come… standing in the crowd with smiles of congratulations. Kathy was in a solid relationship with another man by then, who had more time for her than Elliot ever did. She was happy. She was content. He was good to her, and he was good to her children. Elliot approved. It made things easier too, because while she was happy, there was no conflict.

Maureen stood holding Zechariah, who was coming on 7 months by then, and as adorable as any child who had entered the world.

Olivia and Elliot were planning baby number two, as soon as the wedding was over.

Elliot still worked long hours, but he made the extra effort to come home when he could, and he talked to Olivia about the cases he was working on, and from home, she could help sometimes. More often than not she managed to give them the right answers to crack the case. Their relationship strengthened because they made sure the lines of communication was always open.

Elliot saw all of his children regularly. Whenever they had a chance to come by, always making a fuss of Zechariah, who had been nick named, Zac. The child was adored and love was never limited in the Stabler-Benson house.

Elliot retired in his late 60's and for years they travelled, once their children were out of home.

Their life had progressed well past their eighties and into their early nineties.

Olivia was first to go, peacefully in her sleep, on Sunday morning before breakfast. Elliot had left the life leave her body, and knew that wherever she was going, he wanted to go too. They'd lived a life of success and accomplishment. They'd put many convicts behind bars, loved, lived, explored pieces of the world, they'd felt pain, joy, regret and guilt. A life that not everyone had been able to discover.

Elliot was ready; he reached out and took her hand in his own as he closed his eyes, yes, wherever this took him, whatever happened to him now, he knew he held no regrets. His life had been full of promise. Full of life, love… and HER.


End file.
